Archive for the ‘Drugs’ Category

And Will­ing to Share Her Meth

Guy: So, Rob slept with that trail­er trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-look­ing one. You don’t think she looks like to­tal trail­er trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trail­er trash ooz­ing out of her fuck­ing pores!
Guy: So why were you talk­ing to her half the night?
Girl: What­ev­er. She was re­al­ly nice.

–Ter­race ta­ble, Blue Wa­ter Grill, Union Square

Over­heard by: ebiz­zle

Where’s the Cli­max to This Sto­ry?

Guy #1: Last sum­mer I was hangin’ out in Rich­mond for a week­end and me and some oth­er peo­ple were havin’ a par­ty and some­one gave me and this girl a pill and told us it was painkillers.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Sounds like…fun.
Guy #1: Well the next day, af­ter we had had sex in a pool in front of like 30 peo­ple for about 10 hours, the girl who told us it was painkillers told us it was ac­tu­al­ly Cialis.

–CVS, 23rd & 1st

Over­heard by: katie fa­ca­da

To­day, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It’s not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my pe­ri­od this morn­ing, and I just wan­na get high.

–Bor­ough of Man­hat­tan Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Over­heard by: 447ght

Cus­tomer, buy­ing two packs of Ko­tex: Next time you or­der these, you should get the kind with de­odor­ant. It re­al­ly makes a dif­fer­ence!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don’t PMS!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: al­lie

Girl #1: I once made a Na­tiv­i­ty from fem­i­nine prod­ucts. (awk­ward si­lence) They weren’t used, though…


Over­heard by: Brook­lyn

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Now with 10 Per­cent More Stank

Suit in sun­glass­es: This en­tire plat­form smells like a hith­er­to un­known species of ass.

–D train plat­form, 34th St

Ag­ing hip­ster on cell: At worst, you emit a gen­er­al smell. If peo­ple no­tice it, I don’t think they as­so­ciate it with you.

–Worth St & W Broad­way

Loud woman: Yo, where you at? I can smell your breath, but I can’t see your face!

–Shoe store

Drunk chick in room of fe­males: It smells like pe­nis in here.

–Pi2 Lounge, W 12th & Surf Ave

Over­heard by: Iou­lia Fe­doro­va

Teen on cell: Dude, they kicked me off cam­pus! Be­cause they said I smelled like I was high. I mean, I am a lit­tle high, but I don’t smell like it!

–Stuyvesant High

Fat man: Why did­n’t any­one call Pat­ty* and tell her that her breath stinks?

–Vic­to­ry Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: Suqua­ia

Guy, smelling girl’s armpit: Man, that’s bru­tal! But I kin­da like it…


And Yet Still Right

Girl #1: What’s a pipe dream?
Girl #2: …It’s like a far­fetched dream.
Girl #1: Yeah, I al­ways thought it was, like, an idea some­one got when they were high and they thought it was a good idea at the time because…you know, they were stoned.
Girl #2: You’re re­tard­ed.

–N train