Archive for the ‘Drunks’ Category

But That Gear Shaft Totally Consented

Drunk middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don't think…
Drunk middle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jersey all have computers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he wasn't even doing anything!
Drunk middle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk middle-aged man #2: They said I was driving erotically.

–NJ Transit

Under the Influence of Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk Santa to drunk female Santa: I didn’t know what to do! I don’t know anything about kids!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: James

Tipsy LI teen to friend buying LIRR ticket: Is the machine gonna give you a bunch of Sacajaweas? … Dude… Sack-a-ja-wee-wee! She’s gonna be all up in your piece!


Overheard by: pri

Drunk girl sobbing to another: You’re my opposite! You’re my everything!

–Sala One Nine

Overheard by: And I’m in the fifth dimension…

Drunk man: My penis can touch my asshole!

–12th & 3rd

Drunk girl: You know what would be really weird and sort of pointless? A life-size map.

–12th & 2nd

Drunk white guy to passerby: He act like is my fault that I’m drunk.

–39th & 8th

Overheard by: How odd is that