Girlfriend: Wait, so they’re engaged?
Boyfriend: They’re engaged… in the Murray Hill sense.
–Duane Reade, 33rd & 3rd
Overheard by: mb
Archive for the ‘Duane Reade’ Category
Also, You Just Directed Me Towards the Saran Wrap
Dude: There’s a new kind of condom out that makes you feel like you’re not wearing it.
Pharmacist: I don’t know, sorry.
Dude: But you’re a pharmacist.
Pharmacist: The product is over there. (points at all condoms)
Dude: Okay, thanks for knowing nothing.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Dave G
This Is a Drawing of a Teapot, Ma’am
Pharmacist, coming out from behind counter: So how can I help you?
British tourish: Well, I have a headache and a bit of a sore throat and [pulls out piece of paper, shows to pharmacist] I am not sure, but I think this is illegal in the United States.
–Duane Reade, 47th & Lexington
Overheard by: EthanK
It Says to Use Your Mouth, But Isn’t That Against God?
Cashier #1, holding black deflated balloon-thing: Dis thing don’t work, I been blowin’ it, but it don’t blow.
Cashier #2: It ain’t blow? You try to poke it? Wha’ happen when you pokin it ?
Cashier #1: I just been tryin’ to stick it in, and it ain’t work.
–Duane Ready
Overheard by: I Love Duane Reed
If My Heart Made Blood I Wouldn’t Need to Buy Puppies
Store guy: You know, I used to smoke 2 – 3 packs a day. It’s really not good for you.
Dude: Are you gonna give me a discount on Nicorette, then?
Store guy: We don’t have it…but you don’t need that stuff anyway. It doesn’t work. All you really need is your–
He taps his hand on his chest.
Dude: If my heart made nicotine I wouldn’t need to buy cigarettes.
–Duane Reade, 49th & 9th
Overheard by: Katie
It’s Like My Parents’ Custody Battle All Over Again
Hipster, walking to registers with an armload of toothpaste: Who wants me?
Cashiers: (stare blankly, not moving)
Hipster: What, no one wants me? Ah, damn. That’s sad.
–Duane Reade
“What do you mean, you’re an Average Joe?”
Woman #1: She had been dating him for, like, two years and then she saw him on a reality dating show last night. Now she’s going break up with him.
Woman #2: Well, maybe the show was filmed before they were dating. You know, sometimes those things take a while to get on the air.
Woman #1: They were going out for 2 years! Don’t you think he should have at least mentioned to her, “By the way, I was on a dating show”?
–Duane Reade, 52nd between Madison & Park
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Wait– Do We Know How to Sew?
Pretty girl to friends: Oh, wait! They have a section for sewing supplies!
Friend: They have an actual sewing supply section here?
Pretty girl: Yeah, it’s as big as my dick, but they have one.
–Duane Reade
What Happens to Hugh Hefner’s Exes, 20 Years Later
Girl #1: Wow, the Easter Bunny stuffed animals are on sale.
Girl #2: Let’s buy some for your sister.
Crazy lady: You can buy one bunny. You can buy lots of bunnies! And then they’ll take you away!
–Duene Reade
Overheard by: Bunny Attack?
“Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Wednesday One-Liner”
Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…
–Wendy’s, Union Square
Overheard by: Hungry Bystander
Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.
–American Eagle, SoHo
Overheard by: Holly
Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn’t. You don’t need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.
–Downtown 4 Train
50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.
–Boat Basin Cafe
Overheard by: Megan W.
Guy on iPhone: You think because you’re pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you’re wrong! You can get away with that shit because you’re rich!
–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
