Archive for the ‘Duane Reade’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Fail the Purity Test

Girl: I’m done with threesomes. Someone always gets hurt. It’s four-gies only from now on.

–Duane Reade, 32nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Jaina Wald

Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!

–Wall & Water

Overheard by: Aubrie

Man: Hey, anyone want to go to an orgy?

–Central Park

Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need condoms?

–Pharmacy, 82nd & Columbus

Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like anyone there had any real porn background!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Natalie

Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.

–22nd & Broadway

Loud female suit: Well, at least he wasn’t sleeping with an intern!

–45th & Lex

Preppy girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got myself two tickets for us to go to the Dominican Republic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Dominican cock. Yum!

–34th St

Overheard by: naidababy

As Good a Jew As You Are a Baptist, Sweetie

Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?

–Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade

Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards

Country Mouse, Wednesday One-Liner Mouse

Very happy male suit wearing slippers, shuffling down to the subway: If you can wear slippers in New York, you can wear slippers anywhere.

–2 Train

Overheard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I'm so glad to be in New York, where everyone is so mellow and everyone talks American.

–DiFara Pizzeria

Guy to date: That's what I love about New York–people wear different outfits.

–Outside Deluxe, 113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Dad to preteen daughter: See, I really don't have issues with citizens not from New York city.

–Forest Hills

Overheard by: depends on citizens

Woman on cell: I'm in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Overheard by: AEVRed

Southern lady on cell: I have to say I'm disappointed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amazing. Ya'll don't even have a Wal-Mart.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholastic Store, Soho

Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…

Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Station

Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: fellow customer

Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: sarahjane

The Best Things in Life Are Wednesday One-Liner

Woman on cell: Why aren't you looking for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Overweight MTA worker with megaphone: Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. Free shuttle buses to Utica Ave. Follow the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no service!

–Franklin Ave Subway

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Homeless guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Overheard by: Zack

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stumbling out onto the sidewalk: Ha! It's free! Everyone, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Exhibition, 106th St & Broadway

Guy giving out free pens: Come on, don't be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, only thing you're gonna get for free are these pens and your mother's love.

–Kimmel, NYU

Wanna-be thug eating ice cream: Wanna know how much I paid for this? S'free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for stealing a box of bottled water: But Obama's President! Everything should be motherfucking free for the next 279 years!

–Duane Reade

WednesDEA One-Liners

Loud guy: Hey! Illegal drugs, anyone? Illegal drugs? I want to buy some illegal drugs!

–6th Ave & 34h St

Overheard by: Emily

College girl to friend: Remember that time when you slept with that drug trafficker?

–33rd & 3rd

Man in restaurant: After the roofies I took I was a total mess, it was amazing.

–23rd & 10th

Overheard by: Matt

Man to friend holding Diet Coke: Do you remember when they had this at that gay bathhouse I had to go to because my drug dealer was there?

–Duane Reade

Dude, about crowd: I'm so glad we dropped acid before coming here.

–Trader Joe's, Union Square

Overheard by: Kat

Loud girl on cell: She can't just call you up and like, reminisce and be like, "remember when we loved each other?" Oh, and I don't even want to talk about the conversation we had this morning. There's no excuse to do acid!

–Wagner College