Archive for the ‘Duane Reade’ Category

Wednes­day’s Gonna Have a Lit­tle One-Lin­er

An­gry frat boy: Oh, so now I’m the bad guy? Let’s talk about you and your ir­ra­tional preg­nan­cy!

–Grand Cen­tral

Tween to friends: So, do you think I should get an abor­tion? I mean, I’m not even preg­nant!

–TGI Fri­days

Over­heard by: Sara

Gig­gling chick: When you get preg­nant, the on­ly things that swell are your breasts!

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Fe­male se­cu­ri­ty guard to friend: I don’t think I’m preg­nant. There’s no way I can be preg­nant, be­cause I was on­ly hav­ing light sex.

–Du­ane Reade, 23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: jmike

Hap­py la­dy on cell: Guess what?! I’m preg­nant! Yes, with a ba­by this time!

–96th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Kind of Con­fused

20-some­thing chick: If I get preg­nant, I am so su­ing Fresh Di­rect.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Fail the Pu­ri­ty Test

Girl: I’m done with three­somes. Some­one al­ways gets hurt. It’s four-gies on­ly from now on.

–Du­ane Reade, 32nd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jaina Wald

Man on cell: You got the what? The what? So you got the queen-sized bed!! You whore! You whore!

–Wall & Wa­ter

Over­heard by: Aubrie

Man: Hey, any­one want to go to an or­gy?

–Cen­tral Park

Loud teen boy: Dad, do we need con­doms?

–Phar­ma­cy, 82nd & Colum­bus

Girl on cell: Well it’s not even like any­one there had any re­al porn back­ground!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Guy on stoop: Dude! I did not give that girl VD.

–22nd & Broad­way

Loud fe­male suit: Well, at least he was­n’t sleep­ing with an in­tern!

–45th & Lex

Prep­py girl on cell: Hey, girly, I got my­self two tick­ets for us to go to the Do­mini­can Re­pub­lic for next week, and you know what that means: 7 days of Do­mini­can cock. Yum!

–34th St

Over­heard by: naid­aba­by

As Good a Jew As You Are a Bap­tist, Sweet­ie

Ghet­to black les­bian: Look, you are Time Mag­a­zine’s Per­son of the Year.
Jew­ish les­bian: That is so lame.
Ghet­to black les­bian, pick­ing up a card in­stead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does any­body know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jew­ish les­bian: You are ask­ing the wrong Jew.
Ghet­to black les­bian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you?

–Du­ane Reade, Broad­way & Reade

Over­heard by: Just try­ing to buy some cards

Coun­try Mouse, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Mouse

Very hap­py male suit wear­ing slip­pers, shuf­fling down to the sub­way: If you can wear slip­pers in New York, you can wear slip­pers any­where.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: Lara

Suit on cell: I’m so glad to be in New York, where every­one is so mel­low and every­one talks Amer­i­can.

–Di­Fara Pizze­ria

Guy to date: That’s what I love about New York–people wear dif­fer­ent out­fits.

–Out­side Deluxe, 113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dad to pre­teen daugh­ter: See, I re­al­ly don’t have is­sues with cit­i­zens not from New York city.

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: de­pends on cit­i­zens

Woman on cell: I’m in New York, where Sesame Street lives.

–52nd & 7th

Over­heard by: AEVRed

South­ern la­dy on cell: I have to say I’m dis­ap­point­ed. I thought the Wal-Mart in New York would be amaz­ing. Ya’ll don’t even have a Wal-Mart.

–Du­ane Reade, 34th & 8th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

Woman, pick­ing up rub­ber ball, to em­ploy­ee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholas­tic Store, So­ho

Fresh­man girl: What do we, like, throw in the re­cy­cling bin?

–Leon M. Gold­stein High School

Over­heard by: Robert Gley­ber­man

Woman, de­scend­ing stairs on­to train plat­form: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: cu­ri­ous to know what else she was ex­pect­ing to see at a train sta­tion…

Ran­dom tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Sta­tion

As­tute shop­per: Do you take Du­ane Reade cards here?

–Du­ane Reade

Over­heard by: fel­low cus­tomer

Guy on cell: Bagels with but­ter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Up­per East Side

Over­heard by: sarah­jane

The Best Things in Life Are Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on cell: Why aren’t you look­ing for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Over­weight MTA work­er with mega­phone: Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no ser­vice!

–Franklin Ave Sub­way

Over­heard by: Je­sus Jon

Home­less guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Over­heard by: Za­ck

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stum­bling out on­to the side­walk: Ha! It’s free! Every­one, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Ex­hi­bi­tion, 106th St & Broad­way

Guy giv­ing out free pens: Come on, don’t be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, on­ly thing you’re gonna get for free are these pens and your moth­er’s love.

–Kim­mel, NYU

Wan­na-be thug eat­ing ice cream: Wan­na know how much I paid for this? S’free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for steal­ing a box of bot­tled wa­ter: But Oba­ma’s Pres­i­dent! Every­thing should be moth­er­fuck­ing free for the next 279 years!

–Du­ane Reade

Wednes­DEA One-Lin­ers

Loud guy: Hey! Il­le­gal drugs, any­one? Il­le­gal drugs? I want to buy some il­le­gal drugs!

–6th Ave & 34h St

Over­heard by: Emi­ly

Col­lege girl to friend: Re­mem­ber that time when you slept with that drug traf­fick­er?

–33rd & 3rd

Man in restau­rant: Af­ter the roofies I took I was a to­tal mess, it was amaz­ing.

–23rd & 10th

Over­heard by: Matt

Man to friend hold­ing Di­et Coke: Do you re­mem­ber when they had this at that gay bath­house I had to go to be­cause my drug deal­er was there?

–Du­ane Reade

Dude, about crowd: I’m so glad we dropped acid be­fore com­ing here.

–Trad­er Joe’s, Union Square

Over­heard by: Kat

Loud girl on cell: She can’t just call you up and like, rem­i­nisce and be like, “re­mem­ber when we loved each oth­er?” Oh, and I don’t even want to talk about the con­ver­sa­tion we had this morn­ing. There’s no ex­cuse to do acid!

–Wag­n­er Col­lege