Archive for the ‘e-Bay’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wear Heels in Bed

Ob­nox­ious NYU stu­dent on phone: Hey, re­mem­ber that cute boy in my chem­istry class I was telling you about? Well, I to­tal­ly just saw him in a gay porno!

–Study Room, NYU Dorm

Over­heard by: NYU Ears

Pa­tient woman: She’s mak­ing friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!

–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Over­heard by: sab

Cranky suit to nod­ding friend: Ex­cept for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make mon­ey any­more!

–Madi­son Ave & 47th St

Over­heard by: kric­ka

Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.

–Down­stairs Bar, Mo­ri­mo­to Restau­rant

iPhone scream­er: Yeah, just take the ex­ec-u-ta­ble file and put it in the fold­er. Right the ex­ec-u-ta­ble file! I know, the mu­sic is fun­ny, like a porno, right?

–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Chick: You *know* we’re all go­ing to be googling “egg­beat­er porn” be­fore the night is over.

–Par­ty, 171st & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­days Floss Af­ter Every One-Lin­er

Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or some­thing.

–Chelsea Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Alyssa

Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a god­damn pea­cock feath­er hit me in the teeth!

–Star­bucks, 8th & 39th

Old man: I can smell my own tooth de­cay!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: One Lin­ers Are The Best

La­dy on cell: I don’t know what to do. I’m like ner­vous… I know… I haven’t bought tooth­paste in years…

–Du­ane Reade

Guy on phone: The dif­fer­ence be­tween you and me is you drink tea and eat to­fu. I drink whiskey and make peo­ple eat their teeth.

–48th & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

If You Buy Thom Yorke, You Get Stuck With a Ra­dio­head Al­bum

Girl: Dude, good think Thom Yorke is a great mu­si­cian, be­cause that guy looks like my dog’s ass.
Guy: If your dog’s ass looks like Thom Yorke, I sug­gest you put that dog up for sale.
Girl: I would nev­er sell my dog!
Guy: I would sell my dog on eBay in a heart­beat.
Girl: You can’t sell an­i­mals on eBay.
Guy: I would sell my dog’s leash and throw in the dog for free.

–Ford­ham Ram Van

Over­heard by: sromeo

Con­grat­u­la­tions — You Have Suc­cess­ful­ly Be­friend­ed Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Man: I don’t re­al­ly use Face­book any­more… Ex­cept to booty-call poke.

–Star­bucks, 6th Ave

Chick: If I die, I don’t want a Face­book group in my mem­o­ry. It’s tacky.

–Broad­way & Wa­ver­ly

Over­heard by: Sarah

Web guy: I’d say my mouse hand is ‘strong’ to ‘very strong.’

–46th & 6th

Ger­man man to an­oth­er: [Ram­bles in Ger­man, then] EBay is sin! A sin, I tell you!

–H&M, 34th St

Over­heard by: Melis­sa Cop­po­la

Math teacher who looks like Ali G: So, I took a ‘How ghet­to are you?’ quiz on Face­book. Turns out I’m on­ly 61 per­cent ghet­to.

–Bronx Sci­ence

Thug to thugette: Fall back — you nev­er know when peo­ple gonna be postin’ what you said on the In­ter­net.

–As­tor Pl

Over­heard by: katat­tack