Archive for the ‘Eating Out’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers with Two Per­cent Body Fat

Hip­ster girl to an­oth­er: Yeah, every­one has a crush on him, but he’s got hal­i­to­sis. And a con­cave chest!

–Mo­MA

Hip­ster chick to friend: Whoa. I just felt to­tal­ly suf­fo­cat­ed by cap­i­tal­ist so­ci­ety.

–NYU

Hip­ster in rain­bow moon­boots: So I say to this girl as I’m roofie-ing her juice box…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: eliza

Hip­ster chick on cell: Hel­lo? Hey! Guess what? I found my un­der­wear!

–1st Ave

Over­heard by: Aria Gril­lo

Hip­ster: I mean, you can’t just rock a som­brero and think that it’s cool.

–6th & 10th

Over­heard by: El

Hip­ster chick to tourist friends: … And across the street is where Al­bert Green­berg lived for a while.

–E 2nd St, across street from Allen Gins­berg’s for­mer walkup

Over­heard by: midtown_strangler

Hip­ster chick: I wan­na cre­ate a web­site: Nine-Eleven — get over it.

–4 train

Over­heard by: Hurtz donit

Hey, Kiss My Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Drunk guy: Ex­cuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek!

–8th Ave & W 55th St

Over­heard by: Fred Daubert

Cana­di­an guy: The first kiss’ll be at the al­tar.

–Up­town 6 train

Loud­mouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kiss­ing her, and then I like, just start­ed danc­ing with her. We were danc­ing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awe­some kiss­er.

–NYU

Over­heard by: lucy in the sky with di­a­monds

Girl on cell: I can’t re­mem­ber the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you?

–43rd & Lex

Ghet­to chick leav­ing af­ter fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleed­ing, like you used to.

–Wash­ing­ton Heights

Girl on cell: He said he would­n’t leave un­til I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toi­let!

–115th St & Man­hat­tan Ave

Over­heard by: Melis­sa Berry

Dear Di­ary, Reynolds Ad­mit­ted He Loves Me To­day! Well, Al­most.

Girl: Why don’t you ever in­vite me to the dorms?
Guy: ‘Cause if you wan­na come, you should ask.
Girl: Well, do you want me to come over?
Guy: If I don’t have to study, yeah.
Girl: Well then you should in­vite me!
Guy: Why?
Girl: ‘Cause it would make me hap­py!
Guy: What the hell do I care?
Girl: Well, you would­n’t go down on me if you did­n’t want me to be at least pleased.
Guy: That…is prob­a­bly the best ar­gu­ment you could have made.
Girl: I’m so glad no one speaks Eng­lish on this train.

–1 train

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg