Archive for the ‘Education’ Category

Don’t For­get about That One “I’m Too Hun­gover to Grade”

Stu­dent: So, I was won­der­ing if I could know how I did on that pre­sen­ta­tion last week.
Pro­fes­sor: Oh, yes, yes — you did won­der­ful!
Stu­dent: No, I mean, like, how did I do?
Pro­fes­sor: Won­der­ful. You did won­der­ful.
Stu­dent: So… Is that my grade?
Pro­fes­sor: Yes.
Stu­dent: Great, now I have all ze­ro’s and a ‘Won­der­ful.’ I won­der what that av­er­ages out to.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

The Pit­ter-Pat­ter of Tiny Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just go­ing to stay home and make ba­bies.

–1 Train

Col­lege pro­fes­sor: Every­thing that is wrong in this world can be traced back to ba­bies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Just Try­ing to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m go­ing to have to can­cel for a few dif­fer­ent rea­sons. First, the ba­by has­n’t got­ten all her shots. And more im­por­tant­ly, there’s some­thing peck­ing through my wall! I’m re­al­ly freaked out!

–Bleeck­er and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, af­ter watch­ing the el­dest push the mid­dle to the ground: What are you push­ing him down for? Are you try­ing to up­set my stom­ach so I lose this ba­by in­side me?

–St Marks Place, Stat­en Is­land

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have ba­bies so much, why don’t she just be a … doc­tor!

–52nd & 7th

Pro­fes­sor: 42-year-old ba­bies don’t have bones.

–Sch­enec­tady Coun­ty Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

If You’re So Smart, Ex­plain the Wax

Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you set­tle some­thing? Is Por­tu­gal in Eu­rope or South Amer­i­ca?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Eu­rope.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Por­tuguese they speak in South Amer­i­ca — that’s not the same lan­guage as they speak in South Amer­i­ca, right?
Smart guy: Ac­tu­al­ly, it is. Brazil was set­tled by the Por­tuguese, and the Span­ish got the rest of South Amer­i­ca, which is why they speak Span­ish in the oth­er coun­tries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his ge­og­ra­phy class!

–Ex­o­dus Gym, Union & Met­ro­pol­i­tan, Williams­burg

We Ivy Lea­guers Can Af­ford to Kill Our­selves with Co­caine

Pro­fes­sor in stuffy room: Some­one open a win­dow.
Stu­dent: We’re on the fifth floor; they don’t open.
Pro­fes­sor: I don’t un­der­stand why they don’t un­lock them. No one is go­ing to kill them­selves. We’re not NYU.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty