Archive for the ‘Elevators’ Category

Your El­e­va­tor Will Be Sep­a­rate, but Equal

Chick (walk­ing in el­e­va­tor and look­ing at oth­ers): Sor­ry for star­ing, but you all have blue eyes.
Blue-eyed woman: Yeah, we’re all re­lat­ed.
Chick: Re­al­ly?
Blue-eyed woman: Uh, no.
Blue-eyed man: But don’t wor­ry, we’ll be nice to you when we take over.

–El­e­va­tor, Roo­sevelt Hos­pi­tal

Yup. I Could Tell from That Nau­se­at­ed Look on Your Face.

Woman #1 in el­e­va­tor: Why aren’t you wear­ing a jack­et? You’re go­ing to be freez­ing!
Woman #2: I don’t need one. It’s be­cause I’m fat.
Woman #1: (si­lence)
Woman #2: You know it’s true. You’re not say­ing any­thing be­cause you know I’m fat. Most peo­ple would say, “No, no, no. You’re not fat!” but you’re not say­ing that be­cause you think I’m fat. Think about it.
Woman #1: I’m think­ing about it.

–39th St

Well, Yeah — In Case It’s Not Ap­ple Cider

Stu­dent #1: Holy shit. That girl just dropped ap­ple cider and a carv­ing knife out of her suit­case.
Stu­dent #2: Right, but you’re al­so bare­foot and wear­ing a scu­ba mask.

–El­e­va­tor, Hay­den Res­i­dence Hall

Over­heard by: Will be us­ing the el­e­va­tors less fre­quent­ly

Wednes­day Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Leaves a Sponge in the One-Lin­er

Woman: I told him I was­n’t op­posed to din­ner just be­cause he’s had a va­sec­to­my.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Meis­ter

Prep­py guy: They took car­ti­lage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

UES woman: I’m go­ing to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Over­heard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it re­moved
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–El­e­va­tor in the Hud­son Ho­tel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay — it’s just rou­tine anal surgery!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Tam