Archive for the ‘Elevators’ Category

Yup. I Could Tell from That Nau­se­at­ed Look on Your Face.

Woman #1 in el­e­va­tor: Why aren’t you wear­ing a jack­et? You’re go­ing to be freez­ing!
Woman #2: I don’t need one. It’s be­cause I’m fat.
Woman #1: (si­lence)
Woman #2: You know it’s true. You’re not say­ing any­thing be­cause you know I’m fat. Most peo­ple would say, “No, no, no. You’re not fat!” but you’re not say­ing that be­cause you think I’m fat. Think about it.
Woman #1: I’m think­ing about it.

–39th St

Well, Yeah — In Case It’s Not Ap­ple Cider

Stu­dent #1: Holy shit. That girl just dropped ap­ple cider and a carv­ing knife out of her suit­case.
Stu­dent #2: Right, but you’re al­so bare­foot and wear­ing a scu­ba mask.

–El­e­va­tor, Hay­den Res­i­dence Hall

Over­heard by: Will be us­ing the el­e­va­tors less fre­quent­ly

Wednes­day Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Leaves a Sponge in the One-Lin­er

Woman: I told him I was­n’t op­posed to din­ner just be­cause he’s had a va­sec­to­my.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Meis­ter

Prep­py guy: They took car­ti­lage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

UES woman: I’m go­ing to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Over­heard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it re­moved
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–El­e­va­tor in the Hud­son Ho­tel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay — it’s just rou­tine anal surgery!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Tam

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Vanes­sa Hud­gens

Girl on phone: Well then, rid­dle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sack­ett, Cob­ble Hill

Over­heard by: Swim­fan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–El­e­va­tor, Times Square Arts Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Mu­se­um work­er: And then I woke up buck naked in a ho­tel, and there were pic­tures of me all over the room.

–Mu­se­um of Art and De­sign

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just be­cause I’m wear­ing noth­ing un­der my jack­et, does­n’t mean I’m go­ing to flash a crowd of peo­ple in every store we en­ter. I’ve done it three times al­ready. Get your rocks off some oth­er way.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle Mall Es­ca­la­tor

Over­heard by: Mar­tin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kim­mel Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I did­n’t rec­og­nize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Don’t even wan­na know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wear­ing rollerblades.

–N 4th & Bed­ford Ave

Those Are the On­ly Two Jobs Left

Girl #1: So, I don’t know; he lives in Madrid and wants to meet me so I might go over there in 2 weeks.
Girl #2: Well, does he seem cool at all?
Girl #1: I can’t tell. He seems nice, but I don’t know what he does. Like is he a stamp col­lec­tor or a lawyer?

–El­e­va­tor, Maid­en Lane