Archive for the ‘Elevators’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wish They Could DVR Their Lives, In­stead

Young woman on el­e­va­tor to friend: I have a date this Thurs­day with a guy I met on match.com, and I was so ex­cit­ed, but then I re­mem­bered Thurs­day is Grey’s Anato­my! I mean, I’m DVRing it, but that’s so not the same.

–Wall St.

Over­heard by: krazy­hip­pie

Large 40-some­thing woman: But I’m not gonna be on Mau­ry sayin’, “I’m 100% sure!” Be­cause I’m not!

–10th St & FDR

20-some­thing woman on cell: It’s white, sleeveless…well, you don’t watch Gos­sip Girl but it’s to­tal­ly Blair-wor­thy.

–W 19th & 5th Ave

Ap­palled girl to friend: So, I guess he just could­n’t hold it in and need­ed to share with every­one around him, so he just shout­ed out “Fuck! I miss Gos­sip Girl!”

–Mer­cer & W 3rd

Saucy Lati­na: Tele­mu­n­do makes BET look like The His­to­ry Chan­nel.

–171st St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: The Low Hat

Guy to friend: My girl­friend is cool if you and your boys are…she loves the BBC when she’s high.

–PATH Sta­tion

Over­heard by: smjc­nj

30-some­thing woman on cell: Re­mem­ber sea­son one of The Hills? What a sim­pler time.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: The Evil Tri­an­gle

“Cre­ative” Is a Eu­phemism for “Ig­no­rant”

Over­ly talk­a­tive man, af­ter see­ing “trans­par­ent mon­u­ment” ex­hib­it: I saw a white cloud and a gray cloud but I did­n’t see no black cloud…If I was Na­tive Amer­i­can I would see a red cloud!
Man’s Asian girl­friend: Or a pur­ple one!
Over­ly talk­a­tive man: What?!

–El­e­va­tor, The Met

Over­heard by: liselle boyette

The Is­land of Dr. Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleed­ing? [un­in­tel­li­gi­ble re­ply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [re­ply] We have to find a way to sep­a­rate the cows from the sheep.

–El­e­va­tor, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a lla­ma! An­oth­er cock­tail and a lla­ma!

–Ter­mi­nal 5

Dude: So you’re en­joy­ing act­ing, LA, monogamy, hors­es?

–Cafe Es­peran­to

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not do­ing shots out of that al­li­ga­tor!

–TriBeCa

Over­heard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cell­phone: The lit­tle shit will def­i­nite­ly get ap­proved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Over­heard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Li­on King? Yeah The Li­on King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: BQM la­dy

Man: Man­a­tees are the most peace­ful crea­tures in the world… They get hit by mo­tor boats!

–As­tor Place