Archive for the ‘Empire State Building’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Break the Curve

Asian girl to friend: You know her! She’s the Asian girl — you know, the one with the eyes!

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: Chuck­les

Lit­tle boy about Japan­ese man: Mom, how come that man is clos­ing his eyes all the time?!

–Lib­er­ty St

Over­heard by: gal­gal

Emo Asian boy: You can re­cov­er from drug or al­co­hol ad­dic­tions, but there is no cure for Asian­ism.

–We­in­stein Din­ing Hall, NYU

Drunk Asian man: Did you see that mo­sa­ic? It’s all wrong. The Asians were all one shade of yel­low. What kind of art work is that? Look at me and my peo­ple — we’re mul­ti­ple shades!

–R train

20-some­thing woman: Be­ing an Asian and be­ing a tran­ny aren’t the same thing.

–Dal­las BBQ, Chelsea

Over­heard by: La­dle

Tour De Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fat tourist: Ex­act­ly, like, I know Dis­ney triv­ia, but of course I don’t know gen­er­al triv­ia.

–El­lis Is­land

Over­heard by: Cat

Fe­male tourist with Irish ac­cent, read­ing leaflet: Jaysas lads, it on­ly took them 14 months to build this, I won­der if it’s okay like.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: joanie

Tourist gaz­ing up at the Em­pire State Build­ing: They sure could fit a lot­ta hay in there!

–Out­side Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: Dup­py

Tourist: Where do they keep the ceme­ter­ies around here?

–Next to St. Paul’s Cemetery/Church

Fe­male tourist: Oh my god, I can’t be­lieve we’re on the 6… Just like J.Lo.

–Down­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Court­ney C.

Overzeal­ous British tourist fa­ther, point­ing at map: Okay, every­one. We’re pass­ing by Madi­son Square Gar­dens. They must be love­ly at this time of year. We’re on the Met­ro­pol­i­tan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in Lon­don. We’re go­ing to get off at Rec­tor Street. It’s the last stop be­fore Brook­lyn, so if we miss our stop, we’ll be in Brook­lyn, and we don’t want that! Look, now there are no more num­bers. When there are no more num­bers in the sta­tion names, that means we’re at the bot­tom of the un­der­ground. Oh, look, it’s Chi­na­town. This is where all the ori­en­tals get off.

–R Line

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on is one of those Ori­en­tals…

Fe­male tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my ho­tel room and take a shit.

–Canal St

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go Both Ways

Girl, to her­self: What if my wa­ter breaks in an el­e­va­tor? (laughs) Ak­waaaaard!

–High School

Con­duc­tor, af­ter an­nounce­ment tone: By the way, this is not an el­e­va­tor. Wav­ing your bag in the door does ab­solute­ly noth­ing.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: you tell ’em

Mid­dle-aged woman, push­ing “up” el­e­va­tor but­ton to an­oth­er push­ing “down” but­ton: You know, I could nev­er fig­ure it out with el­e­va­tors, do you press the but­ton to tell the el­e­va­tor to come to you, or do you press it to tell it where you want to go?

–Build­ing, Mid­town

Over­heard by: Del­ish

Old­er ush­er at Em­pire State Build­ing: Please step out of the el­e­va­tor. And as Be­y­once says, to the left. To the left!

–Em­pire State Build­ing

La­dy on cell, wait­ing in line: Oh re­al­ly? Well, I had heard some­one took a crap in a Man­hat­tan el­e­va­tor!

–Su­per­mar­ket, The Bronx