Archive for the ‘Erections’ Category

Now They Grow Up to Be Flying Rats

Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don’t!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don’t! They’re different species. They’re cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren’t!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they’re cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don’t! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let’s change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don’t last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they’re five weeks old.

–A Train

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he’s always like, “oh god, I’m so hard!” and I’m always just like, “really?”

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I’m so horny I’d fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I’ve had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we’re talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

This Is Not a Hard Problem

50-something yuppie guy to another: My wife just doesn’t understand that men go through menopause too. It’s not just a woman’s problem. These past few months I can tell that I’ve begun my menopause.
Teenage girl sitting across from two yuppies: I’m pretty sure they call what you’re going through “erectile dysfunction.”

–F Train

Overheard by: Sophia