Archive for the ‘Erections’ Category

Scrooge Is a Lot Bigger and Blacker in the NC-17 Version Of A Christmas Carol

Big black charity worker: Would you like to sign and make a donation for the less fortunate children around this area?
Newly immigrated Asian lady No, no have money.
Big black charity worker, unfazed: Okay. (starts walking away) Money makes my dick hard, I see Benjamins, I stay hard all day!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Chuhan Luo

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

Wham, Bam, Thank You Ma'am One-Liners

Older gentleman on phone: I was just calling to ask if you wanted to make love to my nice, long, Lebanese penis again tonight. (pause) Yes, yes, 10 works for me.

–45th & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Morgan

Mother, hissing to girl dancing exuberantly: You stop that! Stop it! Boys will try to sex you! Stop!

–6 Train Station

Girl on cell, yelling: He got soft inside me! That's, like, the worst insult ever!

–23rd & 9th

Girl on cell: Come over to the 7-Eleven anytime. I will fuck you!

–Washington Square West

Overheard by: David Fishkind

Brunching woman to friends: We lived in Buffalo! We could have had sex on the sidewalk, but it was four years before we were engaged!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Alexandra

Wednesday One-Liners Fade to Black

Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister.

–14th St

Overheard by: The Reverend

Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you.

–Max Cafe

Overheard by: D to the ana

Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night!

–Whole Foods Union Square

Overheard by: bildita

Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"?

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: Diana

Why, Thank Ye Kindly, Grizzled Prospector Gal

Boy doing Chinese worksheet: This is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Girl doing Chinese worksheet: Oh my god, this is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Another boy doing Chinese worksheet: Dude, this is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
Girl at front of room: The next person to make that joke gets a pickaxe through the brain.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny