Girl to friend: Fucking prick!
Hobo: Girl, you nasty. You nasty, but I’d still do ya.
–6 train platform, 33rd St
Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category
But I Warn You– Once You Start, You Aren’t Gonna Want to Stop
Girl #1 (in bodega): Oooh, can I have a little taste of that?
Girl #2: Lick my crabs!
–133rd & Amsterdam
At Least Charge for It, Sweetie.
Mother: Don’t sit like that! You don’t want people see your you-know-what parts!
Four-year-old daughter sitting Indian-style: But I wanna!
–13th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: person
Not Anymore
Trashy girl (loudly): So I was suckin his cock for like 45 minutes and nothin happened, I was like, “fuck yo problem?“
Friend: Word?
Trashy girl: For real! (turns to staring suit) Excuse me, this is a private conversation!
–A Train
People from Manhattan Are Loud for Good Reason
Little girl: Daddy, why did that car just honk?
Father: Because they were from Jersey. (pause) People from Jersey are loud for no apparent reason.
–38th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Rosey
Hanging up is just too hard
Woman, screaming into her cell phone: I SAID I DON’T KNOW YOU. I CALLED THE WRONG NUMBER. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS FROM YOU. I DIDN’T WANT TO CALL YOU. I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DON’T KNOW. I THOUGHT THIS WAS SOMEONE ELSE’S NUMBER. I DON’T WANT TO DISTURB YOU. I DON’T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THAT? I DON’T KNOW YOU. I DIDN’T MEAN TO ALL YOU. I’M NOT ANSWERING ANY MORE QUESTIONS. BYE.
–Union Square Park
After That Buildup, If He Starts Talking about Jesus, You Have a Legal Right to Kill Him
Dude: You may think you’ve never even met anyone like him, but in reality you’ve never even heard of anyone like him.
Intrigued girl: Uh-huh… Totally.
–Bedford ave, Williamsburg
Wednesday One-Liners Get Their Mouths Washed Out with Soap
Gleeful little boy: We will, we will fuck you! We will, we will fuck you! [Bursts into giggles.]
–1 train
Overheard by: caitlinj
Guy: I mean, I wasn’t expecting being fucked, either!
–55th & 8th
Overheard by: Mariah
Guy on cell: You know what? Cleo fucked you, so fuck it — we’re fucked.
–Forest Hills
Tough guy with five-year-old: Hey, buddy! Don’t fucking push me! I’ve got my fuckin’ kid here!
–1 train
Overheard by: wba
Hispanic lady with stroller, on cell: Mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Fuckin’ asshole [Spanish]… Son of a [Spanish]… Fuckin’ mothafuckin’ [Spanish]… Bunny rabbit [Spanish]… Fuck.
–7th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Mike N (doesn’t speak Spanish)
Completely Insulting Wednesday One-liners
Girl yelling across the street: Yo, she got more hair on her pussy than your bitch got on her head!
–St. John’s, Crown Heights
Woman on cell. One hundred dollars? You must have me confused with 1–800-Crack Whore.
–W 57th
As Close to a Sweet Vignette As OINY Gets
(man with headphones singing out loud moves over so that an elderly couple can sit down together)
Old lady: Thank you.
Man: You are very, very welcome. I’m rappin’ out loud, but I’m a gentleman. I was raised in the streets, but I’m good.
–1 Train
Overheard by: huh?
