Gangsta #1: … And then these bitches…
Gangsta #2: Wo-men. Nigga, they’re women!
–26th & 8th
Archive for the ‘Etiquette’ Category
It’s 157, Your Weight in Pounds
D’Agostino check-out counter girl, loudly into the store intercom: Jason, what’s your password?
–D’Agostino, Greenwich & Barrow
Heather Duke Redux
Drunk girl #1 coughs.
Drunk girl #2: If you vomit, I swear to God this friendship is over.
–Bleecker St
Overheard by: kellianne
You’re Welcome, Grasshopper
Yuppie woman, bumping into a man: Sorry.
Man: Don’t say sorry. This is New York. Nobody says sorry.
Woman: What do you want me to say? Fuck you??
Man: That’s better. This is New York. Who says sorry?
Woman: Fuck you.
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Young professional’s friend
What? I Don’t Want the Dog to Catch On
Stumbling drunk woman, loudly: Do you have any b‑l-o‑w?!
Date: Great. Real subtle!
–E 11th St
Overheard by: filigreed
‘Cause If It Is, I’ve Got Plans!
College intern hitting friend with magic wand: Naked Bitch with big titties.
Little kid: Is that a real magic wand?!
–FAO Schwartz
Sweet or Salty?
Queer #1: I sucked you off and swallowed your cum!
Queer #2: Shh, not now, someone will hear.
Queer #1: No! No one is listening!
Girl next to them: Actually, I’m listening.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Carly
All Wednesday One-Liners Over Six Ounces Will Be Confiscated
[Plane lands, bounces 20 feet into the air, finally slams back to earth, knocking all the oxygen masks out.]Flight Attendant: Thank you for choosing American Airlines, ladies and gentlemen, obviously we have have landed…
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: M. Smith/Terrified Passenger
Flight Attendant: Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? … Don’t think about it too long honey, they taste like cardboard.
–United Flight
Flight Attendant: We have two lavatories in the back of the plane and one in the front. Please use them.
–LaGuardia Airport
Pilot: Remember, there are 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 8 ways out of this aircraft.
–JFK Runway
Overheard by: cms
Pilot, after an unusually smooth landing: God damn, that landin’ was butta!
–Jet Blue JFK
Would It Be Feasible for Me to Throw Myself in Front Of My Own Train?
Conductor: This is a Manhattan-bound number three train; next stop is Sutter avenue-Rutland road; stand clear of the closing doors please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: Please do not block the doors, stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: Do not block the doors. Stand clear, please.
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: For the last motherfucking time, do not block the fucking doors! I know you ghetto-ass niggas don’t care about school, but some people want to get the fuck to work! Stand clear!
[Doors close and open again.]Conductor: I can’t fucking take this shit.
–3 Train
Overheard by: Morel Farember
Do You Want to Put Me Out of Business?
Guy on cell: Yeah, I was there until 1:30. They loved me.
Woman: Well, we don’t! You talk too loud.
–M42 bus
