Archive for the ‘Eurotrash’ Category

I Know a Place Where They Fix That, Too

Eu­ro hip­ster #1: I got the soles of my shoes fixed.
Eu­ro hip­ster #2: Your what?
Eu­ro hip­ster #1 #1: You know, the soles of my shoes. The bot­toms.
Eu­ro hip­ster #2: I do not know this word.
Eu­ro hip­ster #1: You know, S‑O-U‑L.
Eu­ro hip­ster #2: Ah, like ass-soul?

–New York Sports Club, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Lizzy Ve­gas

Wine and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent on cell: Sor­ry, there was an in­ci­dent. She was eat­ing string cheese, and I told her she looked like a wal­rus. So she tried to smack me in the face but she could­n’t, and I ran in­to the bath­room. So she tried to hit me with the string cheese, but I was like your string cheese will get all fuzzy. So she smacked me in the face with the cheese.

–Penn Sta­tion

Girl on phone: And then I stuck a string cheese in the mi­crowave. Yeah, in the wrap­per.

–57th & 7th

Sexy guy, look­ing at or­ches­tra pro­gram de­scrip­tion of move­ment “con brio”: Does that mean “with cheese”?

–Cam­er­a­ta Not­tur­na Con­cert, W. 57th St

Over­heard by: La­dle

Old­er Eu­ro­pean woman to an­oth­er: She’s fine with the ref­er­ence to cheese. I mean, she can eat cheese, just not the re­al kind.

–Union Square

Hip­ster: So she writes every­thing down in her cheese di­ary…

–Bed­ford & 4th

Do Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Mea­sure Up?

East­ern Eu­ro­pean in velour jump­suit, ap­proach­ing guy on street: Sup, cuz. Hey, re­mem­ber to give it to Ricky tonight for that thing to­mor­row. It’s a good size. Al­right, see you lat­er.

–89th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Ben A

Girl to friends: And then she was like, “yeah, let me look at you with my weird­ly over­sized eye­balls.”

–Court St., Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: iwn2000

Fe­male suit on phone: We need to get them! (pause) No! They’re too big! They won’t fit in the hole!

–Broad­way

Guy: Mas­culin­i­ty is de­ter­mined by the size of your (slight pause) army…

–Mil­len­ni­um High School

Lit­tle girl, car­ry­ing tiny stick: Look! I have the biggest stick in the world!

–Cen­tral Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Out the Door Be­fore the Con­dom Comes Off

Build­ing work­er on cell: Like her? No, I don’t like her. I have to like every girl that I bone? Ter­ri­ble? Why is that ter­ri­ble?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: blat­to

Guy on cell: I’m look­ing for some­one to, ex­cuse my lan­guage, fuck, not just have sex with.

–Man­hat­tan Ave

Over­heard by: Ja­son

Eu­ro­trash: So then I felt bad be­cause he could­n’t guess who I was and so I gave him a hint. I told him I would meet him at six o’­clock at the mo­tel, be­cause you know, that was like our place!

–34th St & 5th Ave

Guy: You sleep with them once and they ex­pect you to bring your tooth­brush and loofa over the next time.

–Tad’s Mon­tana

Over­heard by: Mishen

Girl on cell: Re­mem­ber how I was talk­ing to that guy in Lon­don? Well, he’s com­ing to vis­it for five days. Yeah, it’s gonna be fun. I’ve de­cid­ed, af­ter he leaves, I’m not go­ing to talk to him any­more. What’s the point? It’s not even a re­la­tion­ship, it’s a pseu­do-re­la­tion­ship. You fight and get mad and what for? I’m not mov­ing to Lon­don, he’s not mov­ing to New York. Yeah, so we’ll have fun, and then when he leaves, I just won’t talk to him any­more. How is that shady?

–N train, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Mis­sPinkKate

Girl: Yeah, I feel like I’m ban­gin’ the whole world!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle sub­way ex­it

“Don’t Hate Me Be­cause I’m Wednes­day One-Lin­er”

Fe­male hip­ster, loud­ly: I hate those two! They’re ego­ma­ni­acs with low self es­teem!

–Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: John­ny Dron­go

Sullen-look­ing girl: I guess it’s just in­cum­bent on me to be cheer­ful re­gard­less of the fact that I hate every­thing.

–War­ren St & W Broad­way

Over­heard by: Tha WB

Girl at Dali ex­hi­bi­tion: I hate peo­ple. I hate mu­se­ums. I re­al­ly hate Spaniards.

–Dali and Film Ex­hi­bi­tion, Mo­MA

Over­heard by: An­di C.

Con­cerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Si­mon & Gar­funkel so loud­ly, peo­ple would hate us less.

–Grand Cen­tral

Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I’m not even go­ing to Face­book friend her, I hate her so much!

–B Train

Over­heard by: Jen

Eu­ro­pean woman wear­ing I Love NY shirt, hold­ing Sex & the City box set: I hate Amer­i­cans.

–Canal & Lafayette