Guy #1: Can we go to Italy Town?
Guy #2: You mean Little Italy?
Guy #1: Yeah. I’ve got someone I need to piss off before sunset.
–NJ Transit train
Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher
Archive for the ‘Ew, Jersey’ Category
I Always Figured the Junior Senator’s Office
Guy #1: See that, that’s the New Jersey Transit.
Guy #2: Good God, that’s where they get in?
Guy #3: And everyone thought Sunnydale is where the Hellmouth is.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Joseph
No Matter Where You Are in New York, Jersey Is Too Close
Teen hipster #1: So where is he?
Teen hipster #2: All the way in Herald Square. I’m not going all the way there.
Teen hipster #1: Where is Herald Square?
Teen hipster #2: In New Jersey.
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Jersey has everything
It’s the Meg Ryan Of Express Trains
Announcement: How does it look in the front, Al?
Random passenger, yelling: Like shit.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: MD
New York’s Distinctiveness
Woman waiting on line in Newark airport: “Isn’t it amazing how, whenever you go to a foreign country, you can get such a feel for the country just from the airport? Take New York: you land here, you look out the windows, and the first thing you realize about New York is, ‘aren’t the vehicles here so big!’ ”
Now I Have Twenty Cats, but Nothing’s Changed
Lonely cat lady: Remember a few years back when I had ten cats? I knitted ten of these adorable little stockings for them, and I filled each one with catnip. Well, I never did that again!
Passenger: Why? Did they all freak out over the catnip?
Lonely cat lady: No, they didn’t even appreciate all the work that went into it. They just ignored them.
–Midtown NJ Tranist
I Blame Woodrow Wilson
Yuppie: I just really hate the Garden State mentality.
–West Village
Wonder If I Could Rent One
Fat old guy: That was refreshing.
Fatter old guy: Yeah. But it’s like a dog chasing a car, though–what would you do with it if you caught it?
Fat old guy: Go to jail?
Fatter old guy: Yeah. (chuckles) Sixteen’ll get you twenty.
–Hamilton Square
Wednesday One-Liners Are Pelving Thrusting in Your Direction
Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!
–Walker & Canal
Overheard by: office peon
Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.
–New Jersey Transit
Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…
–Bard High School Early College
Guy to another: There’s only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that’s it.
–125th & Lexington
Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.
–113th & Broadway
Crazy lady: Santa ain’t comin’ to Brooklyn! And I’ll be drunk tomorrow, don’t you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!
–C Train
Rebecca
Rican tough tween chick #1: What about Rebecca?
Rican tough tween chick #2: I hear she a lesbian.
Rican tough tween chick #3: A lesbian?
Rican tough tween chick #2: Yeah, she likes girls.
Rican tough tween chick #1 (laughing): Fuck that shit. Who wants to like girls?
–Bergenline Jitney, Newark Avenue, Jersey City
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
