Teen girl: Yeah, I’ll talk to you on Facebook.
Man in truck, overhearing: I have Facebook too! Add me!
–Lower East Side
Archive for the ‘Facebook’ Category
Never Dinner, Though
Astoria girl #1: Ohmigod! I’m going to dinner with my hot guy friend tonight! His picture is on Facebook, I’ll show you!
(shows friend photo)
Astoria girl #2: Oh, I know him, I used to have sex with his roommate!
–Astoria Park
Wednesday One-Liners Are Another Year Older but None the Wiser
20-something: I didn’t even realize it was my birthday until I checked Facebook!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: mtrainetiquette
Girl to friend: We should celebrate tonight–it’s my half birthday in 10 days.
–Crocodile Lounge, E 14th St
Tourist: See nobody is wearing birthday scars…
–34th St & 5th Ave
Guy to girl: Wait, did you really believe I was going to get you a Hello Kitty vibrator for your birthday?
–45th & 8th
Drunk girl to hobo: It’s my birthday! You should be giving *me* money!
–111 & Broadway
Does Checking Make You More or Less of a Loser?
High school-age Jersey girl: So I went on my ex-boyfriend’s Facebook, since his birthday was last week. Only like 30 people wrote on his wall to wish him happy birthday.
Friend: Oh my god. What a loser!
–NJ Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ashley
My Cyberstalker Texted Me About It
Little kid with notebook: Mom, what is this called?
Mom: That’s a notebook.
Little kid: Notebook! Notebook! I got a notebook! My Facebook! Facebook!
Mom, amused: How do you know about Facebook?
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Camillia*
It’s Very Cute
Hipster girl: I haven’t seen any of your Facebook pictures, and I’ve been your friend for like a year!
Hipster boy: Really? You should.
Hipster girl: I’m checking them right now.
Hipster boy: Let me warn you, though — there are a lot of pictures of my penis on there.
Hipster girl: Oh, I’m used to that.
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Facebook May Need to Tighten Up the Privacy Controls Again
Seven-year-old kid #1: Did you see pookie at school the other day?
Seven-year-old kid #2: Yeah, but I don’t know… Her personality at school is all nice and shit, but have you seen her Facebook profile?! You can tell that bitch likes to fuck!
–Q Train
Tonight’s Movie: It’s Complicated
Guy: We’re not friends on Facebook.
Girl: But how do you see my pictures?
Guy: Well, there’s some of your photos that are private, and others that are public. When I go to your page, which is often, I can just search through those, or go to your friends’ pages. A lot of them don’t have private pictures.
–Starbucks, Union Square
Overheard by: Randy
Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”
20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!
–Central Park
Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!
Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy’s: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.
–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Anna
Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain’t gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That’s why you ain’t get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It’s been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.
–Tribeca Park
Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you’re stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: This girl from NY
Boys Take Non-Poking Very Literally
Teen girl: I was so mad at him that I unfriended him on Facebook.
Friend: What does that mean?
Teen girl: I was mad, but not mad enough to break up. This way we can still message each other, but he can’t poke me anymore.
Friend: So, technically, would this be symbolic or metaphorical action?
Teen girl: What?
Friend: Nevermind.
–Penn Station
