Archive for the ‘Fag Hags’ Category

He Asked Me to Leave This Back­pack Here and Not Open It

Queer: So, I went to that new dance club last night.
Fag hag: Oh, re­al­ly? Any good?
Queer: Yeah… They were play­ing some weird dis­co mu­sic, which should’ve tipped me off. But any­way, this guy start­ed hit­ting on me right away.
Fag hag: Oooh! Was he hot?
Queer: Sor­ta. I mean, he had this gi­gan­tic mous­tache.
Fag hag: Hm­mm. He mus­ta been a ter­ror­ist.
Queer: Ac­tu­al­ly, he did have that ter­ror-es­que gleam in his eye.
Fag hag: So, did you hook up or what?
Queer: Oh, yeah, to­tal­ly fucked him in the bath­room. That ter­ror-es­que gleam is damn sexy.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Mi­Mi

Choose Your Own Dat­ing Ad­ven­ture

Hag: I see her point, I think that’s why I don’t have a boyfriend ei­ther. I’m just too high main­te­nence.
Queer: Ha! Girl, you are not high main­te­nance, you are just plain old needy.

–17th & 5th

Over­heard by: Thirsty Vi­o­let

Woman: You are not needy, you are so worth it!

–Ele­phant and Cas­tle, Green­wich Av­enue

Over­heard by: we­cant­draw

M4M Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Teenag­er: Do you know where the Gay Pride Pa­rade is?… I’m not gay!

–As­tor Place

Guy: And so, this one gay guy in your of­fice was wear­ing these pants, and his fly was open and this straight guy could see his pe­nis, or some shit like that, right?

–9th St, Park Slope

Queer on cell: You re­al­ly think she’s in­to gay guys?


Guy, point­ing to gay hip­ster: That’s like “I like it in the bum” writ­ten in hair.

–Pe­culi­er Pub, Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: Mad

Mom, to young son: It’s not a mat­ter of be­ing gay or not, dar­ling. I just won’t let you par­tic­i­pate in your school play.


Girl: Well, I could­n’t re­al­ly sing the last part. We were both on our backs with our legs wide open. The on­ly re­deem­ing fact is that he was gay!

–Corbin Plaza, Brighton Beach

Over­heard by: An­ti-Traf­fic Girl

Flam­boy­ant tween boy: I hate health class! You know what I’m go­ing to do in health class to­day? I’m go­ing to tell the teacher I’m gay! And that I like to suck dick!

–5th Ave, Park Slope