Archive for the ‘Fakes’ Category

And Tech­ni­cal­ly I Think She Out­sources to the Maid

Girl #1: Oh my god! I can’t be­lieve my mom on­ly got a B+ on my his­to­ry pa­per.
Girl #2: Well, I can’t be­lieve your mom does your school­work and writes your pa­pers for you. Don’t you ever feel guilty?
Girl #1: Umm…no. Since she’s, like, pay­ing for my col­lege and stuff, then it’s on­ly fair that she gets to do the work.

–So­Ho

That’s the Third Time This Week

Bim­bette art stu­dent #1, point­ing at fresh grapes: I don’t get why they call ‘olive-skinned’ peo­ple ‘olive-skinned’. No one’s skin is that col­or!
Bim­bette art stu­dent #2, af­ter clos­er in­spec­tion of fresh grapes: Yeah, but those olives look messed up, I think they’re fake. Re­al olives are, like, dark­er or some­thing.
Bim­bette art stu­dent #1: Yeah, those olives are too light, that’s it. No one’s skin is that col­or of… of light green.
Cashier: Uhm, are you ladies in line? Can I get you some… Grapes?
Bim­bette art stu­dent #3: Yeah, those olives are to­tal­ly fake, that must be it.
[Group leaves deli.]Cashier: Did that re­al­ly just hap­pen?

–27th & 5th

There’s No Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Like Show Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Hip­ster Pee-wee Her­man looka­like to friend: Oh, and when I give her anilin­gus to let me di­rect a show? You’re to­tal­ly gonna be in it!

–Q Train

Over­heard by: Flea

Man: I be­lieve some of this will be made up.

–Go­ing in­to Wicked, Broad­way

Over­heard by: CAM

Black high­school girl: Oh my god, why do they keep singing?

In the Heights, Broad­way Mu­si­cal

Over­heard by: Cook­ie

Woman in Jer­sey ac­cent: Is this the one about the boy who wants to be a horse or the girl who wants to be a fish?

–At Equ­us, Broad­hurst The­atre

Over­heard by: Harlem­Ry

Daniel Rad­cliffe fan girl: I have to be in this show some day. Even if I’m eighty, I got­ta be in this show with him. I’d be like, “put it in me! Put it in me!”

–At Equ­us, Broad­hurst The­atre

Over­heard by: Nik­ki

Man leav­ing Hair: Well, that beats the hell out­ta Shake­speare!

–Out­side Dela­corte The­ater, Cen­tral Park

…That Dri­ve Pink Con­verta­bles and Have the Gen­i­talia of a Eu­nuch!

20-some­thing girl: I don’t be­lieve in foun­da­tion make­up.
50-some­thing woman: Re­al­ly?
20-some­thing girl: I used to wear it a long time ago, when I was younger, but it makes you look so fake, like a doll…which is stu­pid be­cause we’re peo­ple!

–Madi­son Square Park

Head­line by: Skip­per

Run­ners-Up:
· “…And That’s When I Dropped Out Of Clown School.” — Dan­ny the Mullins
· “Bar­bi­e’s In­fil­tra­tion Plan Is Work­ing” — Na­tal­ie
· “Be­sides, The Tips at the Car­ni­val Were To­tal­ly Not Cut­ting It” — Dave
· “Brit­ney Tries Her Hand at Phi­los­o­phy” — Fres­ca P.
· “Ex­cerpts from the Hu­man Tis­sue-Sil­i­cone Ra­tio De­bate” — ty
· “I Al­so Refuse Para­chutes; I Ain’t No Bird!” — Jeff
· “Max Fac­tor Is…People!” — Chris

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test