Archive for the ‘Fakes’ Category

Those Who Mar­ry for Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Earn Them

Girl to friend: I mean, if he was rich I would pre­tend to like him; but he’s not, so…

–46th & 3rd

Guy on street to cou­ple: Ba­by girl, you’re just em­bar­rass­ing your­self. Don’t do it. You know you’re just with him for his mon­ey cuz every­one knows white men ain’t got no dick.

–5th & 32nd

Ghet­to young man: That is why I’m gonna mar­ry a rich white woman. My daugh­ter needs a good life; my sug­ar ma­ma can pay for her to go to a pri­vate school. I’m a playa, but I got­ta mar­ry a rich white woman for my ba­by girl.

–A Train

20-some­thing guy to friends: So this chick I like says “let’s wait un­til you start mak­ing mon­ey til we start dat­ing.” So I said to her “what makes you think I want to date you once I start mak­ing mon­ey?”

–St Mark’s

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call It “Di­rect Mar­ket­ing”

Guy sell­ing city maps, singing to beat of near­by mu­sic: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It’s not a trap!

–Cen­tral Park

Ghet­to guy sell­ing knock­off per­fumes on street: Don’t ask me where I got em’ from, just get em’ be­fore the po­lice come. I got DKNY, my ma­mi J.Lo… Get em’ folks! Get em’

–23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: Al­li

Street ven­dor to cus­tomer ex­am­in­ing knock­off purs­es: Hur­ry it up. I need mon­ey.

–Madi­son & 59th St

Over­heard by: Jen­nifer

Wannabe hip hop artist: Y’all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beau­ti­ful fore­head. Please buy my CD.

–Times Square

Guy hand­ing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagi­na?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Brett

It’s Not De­liv­ery– It’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er!

Stu­dent: A lot more peo­ple would def­i­nite­ly vote if there was free piz­za at polling places.

–Queens Col­lege

Over­heard by: Suze

Hip­ster: Pa­pa John’s makes me want to have Aids.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Matthew K. John­son

Drunk per­son: Hey! This is­n’t the orig­i­nal Ray’s!

–Ray’s Piz­za

Over­heard by: Dar­win

Girl to friend: So you on­ly need a slice of piz­za to get you wet?

–Slaugh­tered Lamb Pub

Over­heard by: sinko

Old dude car­ry­ing blue plas­tic bag to pi­geon: Piz­za! My dar­ling! Piz­za! My piz­za!

–9th St & 1st Ave

Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don’t eat the piz­za, you will get fat!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Lily

You Are Wel­come to Hit on Me

Thug: Hey! (ges­tures to Asian work­er be­hind counter at con­ve­nience store) You look good, man.
Asian work­er, in thick for­eign ac­cent: What? What you say to me?
Thug: I said, you look good.
Asian work­er: What, what you say­ing to me?
Thug: Keep do­ing what­ev­er you’re do­ing, man. (leaves store)
Asian work­er, drop­ping ac­cent: Fuckin’ crack­ahs. (sees white girl wait­ing at counter) Oh, shit, sor­ry, not you.

–Myr­tle Ave & Clas­son Ave, Brook­lyn

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers. (Al­leged­ly)

Snooty fe­male 30-some­thing to friend: Pap-smears are, to me, the new fake eye­lash­es.

–Up­per East Side

Over­heard by: ian­bo­bian

Ag­gres­sive New York­er: So he pulls out his fuck­ing fake-ass park­ing pass, and I pull out my gun. And I’m like “you still wan­na park here, ass­hole? Go ahead!”

–60th St & Broad­way

Scream­ing drunk girl to slight­ly sober guy: If you’re go­ing to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Re­al­ly!?!?

Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you’re done en­ter­tain­ing the fake Jews.

–Cafe, Church & Walk­er

Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I’d have to like, sleep with him to get the re­al one, you know?

–Hes­ter & Mott

Over­heard by: Jensel