I’ve Never Been More Proud.

Angry 20-something girl: Dad, you realize that when you refuse to give me the keys to my car that he’s been illegally driving, you are effective enabling him to steal from me!
Confused-looking dad: Well, I understand how you feel, honey, really I do, but…
Angry 20-something girl (cutting him off): Don’t fucking placate me, you sonofabitch!
Confused-looking dad (looking helplessly toward his wife): Cheryl…your daughter is yelling at me using profanity and words I don’t know.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Krystal

Let’s Just Run Through Traffic and Hope for the Best

Subway announcement: Service changes will affect the “d” as in “Darby” line and “v” as in “victim” line.
Tourist mom to family: Honey, I don’t think it’s safe to take the subway, let’s get out.

–Prince Street Subway Stop

Just a Vestige, Like Your Tail

Mother to daughter wearing a Pink Princess backpack: Hold up, honey, mommy needs to get something out of your bag.
(mother removes pack of cigarettes and lighter from bag)
Husband to wife: You have no shame.

–Central Park

NYPD Booked Them Posthumously

Tourist father to family, crossing mid-block: Okay, this is our first jaywalk!
Little kid: I’m so excited!

–45^th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Linda Stein

The Pleasure of Double Treyf?

Chick: Is marijuana vegan?
Father: It is unless you roll it in elephant hide. Or foreskin.
Mother: A joint rolled in foreskin would give you two pleasures at once!

–13^th between 5^th & 6^th

Overheard by: Colin

CIA: Hmmm…

Grandson: I wanna watch that show Chuck — about the spy.
Grandma: Cluck? It’s called ‘Cluck’?
Grandson: Chuck. He’s a spy.
Grandma: Cluck? Like a chicken?
Grandson: Grandma, you’re stupid.
Grandma: I just don’t think a chicken would make a good spy. He’d always be clucking.
Grandson: He’s not a chicken, he’s a spy.
Grandma: But then again, no one expects a chicken… Damn chickens…

–L train

Okay, Better

Little boy: I farted!
Mother: Oh, Andrew, that’s gross.
Grandma: Yes, say “excuse me” and then get out of here.
Little boy: Bombs away!

–Target, Queens

Doesn’t Look Good for the Public Healthcare Option

20-something-guy: Obama condoms, for long and hard times!
Tourist mom: What’s an Obama condom?
Tourist dad: I have no idea.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Shannon

And Again at Your Sister’s Recital

Four-year-old girl to sister: You’re hitting me with your violin case!
Upper West Side mom: Anne, sometimes you have to endure a little bit of pain on the subway.

–1 Train

Mostly CNN

Seven-year-old boy: You know Britney’s on crack, she’s on crack. And your girl Lindsay is so going to jail for selling cocaine. That Britney is crazy.
Aunt: That boy watches too much TV.

–LIRR

Overheard by: I think lindsay is going to jail too

Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Families’ Category