Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Girl: Yeah, I’ll have a cranberry juice.
Grandpa: What’s wrong, you got a yeast infection or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: befuddled diner
Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Girl: Yeah, I’ll have a cranberry juice.
Grandpa: What’s wrong, you got a yeast infection or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: befuddled diner
Bimbette #1: Oh my god! I just realized my brother and I have the same last name!
Bimbette #2: Really?
Bimbette #1: Yeah, it never hit me before.
–BX10 Bus
Overheard by: My mom and I too
Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!
–Grand Central Terminal
Acting professor: Act as if you’re fascinated by what they’re saying, while thinking about something else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get married.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lisa
Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she’s married!
–2 Train
Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I’ll let you marry my daughter!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Ricky
Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.
–Central Park
Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
Suit: That’s why I can’t help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around.
–Grand Central Terminal
Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say “excuse me!”
–Macy’s, Herald Square
Overheard by: The City Planner
Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city?
–1st Ave & 6th St
Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what’s great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it’s no big deal, because you’ll probably never see those people again, you know?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: BPV
Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like “shitter.”
–96th & Columbus Ave
Salesguy: Would you ladies like to come in? Can I help you find anything?
Chick #1: Oh, no thanks.
Chick #2: The perfume’s too much for us.
Salesguy: You could hold your noses.
Chick #2: Uh, I think we’d pass out eventually.
Chick #1: Yeah, you don’t want that. Ambulances are bad for business.
Salesguy: I’ve always wanted to ride in the back of an ambulance!
Chick #2: Um…
Chick #1: Actually, it’s a bit of a role reversal. We’re waiting for my husband to finish shopping.
Salesguy: Oh, which one is your husband?
Chick #1: He’s right there.
Salesguy: The one with the ponytail? Looks like a vampire? Hot.
Chick #1: Uh, yes, that’s him.
Salesguy: Boy, you’re one lucky lady.
Chick #1: I know. Thanks.
Salesguy: Hey, does he have a brother?
Chick #1: Yes.
Salesguy: Just kidding. Does he have a sister?
Chick #1: No.
Salesguy: Oh. Well, I was still kidding. You sure you don’t want to come in?
–Outside The Body Shop, 76th & Broadway
Overheard by: Rose Fox
College Professor: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Female Student: I have one sister and a twin brother.
College Professor: Are you identical?
–American Musical & Dramatic Academy, UWS
Female suit on cell: And if we get custody, we can take the girls to North Carolina! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!
–37th St & Madison
Overheard by: catching a train
Little boy: Mommy, is California really far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?
–N Train
Crazy-eyed lady on subway: The public schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s getting all As in private school! We need to stop putting money into Georgia and put money into our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alaska, because if we don’t, Russia’s going to get a pipeline in there and take it all!
–Uptown R Train
Overheard by: Anna P.
20-something woman: I think he’s just going to club me…and drag me back to Alaska.
–Bleecker & 11th
Overheard by: Imma club you
Father to five-year-old daughter touching signposts and cars: You can rub anything you want in Connecticut, honey, but we have to be careful in New York.
–Union Square
Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hillbillies be fucking chillin’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fucking crazy and kills, like, ten people? Like he’s walking down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.
–V Train
Cashier: In 20 minutes I can go home… Go home and play some video games.
Middle-aged lady customer: Yay!
Cashier: Either that or drink.
Middle-aged lady customer: Why not both?
Cashier: Well, then my mom will yell at me in the morning.
–Douglaston Waldbaum’s, Queens
Overheard by: Teen Girl #1
Tourist father to family, crossing mid-block: Okay, this is our first jaywalk!
Little kid: I’m so excited!
–45th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Linda Stein
Chick: Oh yeah, my grandmother was a prisoner in Auschwitz with Elie Wiesel.
Dude: That’s ballin’
–Brooklyn F Train
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist