College student #1, with Brooklyn meets Boston mystery accent: My uncle is a doctor. Well, he's like a doctor. I mean he works in a hospital, but you know, once you work in a hospital for 15 years you might as well be a doctor cause you know it all by then, anyway. Well, he says that food comas are real. Yeah, you know, it's like the cyanide in the turkey or something.
College student #2: I have no idea what you are talking about.
–LIRR
Overheard by: Dara
Shrimpy guy, singing: Summertiiiiiime, and the livin' is easy…
Black guy: Man, the sons be actin' like daughters and the daughters be actin' like sons!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Porgy
Tall girl: I think I saw his brother in the chorus of a show I saw for my job.
Short girl: Word.
Tall girl: Yeah.
Short girl: Yeah. There's four of them. And they're all beautiful. It's so not fair. I'm weird-looking and, according to my grandma, my brother looks like the love child of Jake Gyllenhaal and Sanjay Gupta.
Tall girl: And your parents are short Jews.
Short girl: I can't believe you remember that.
–Downtown 1 Train
Nine-year-old girl: Trick or treat! If you don’t have any candy, you can give my mom some liquor!
–Wine shop, Chelsea
Overheard by: Catherynne Valente
Cute chick on cell: Hello, Mom. I’m just calling to tell you I got a tattoo, and I’m telling you on your voicemail so I don’t have to hear any shit from you about it. Call me after you calm down. Bye.
–Canal & Lafayette
Overheard by: Big Larry
Mom and nine-year-old daughter are walking hand-in-hand.
Daughter, shrieking: No, Mommy, please don’t buy the razor! Anything but the razor, Mommy!
–74th & Broadway
Tween girl: My mother is probably going to shit on my head.
–Broadway & 67th
Overheard by: thaler
Hipster NYU dude: She’s not my mother anymore.
–14th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: yamutha
Younger man: Maybe I’ll marry your sister. Then I’ll kill myself.
Older man: I’m waiting to give my sister to an enemy.
–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria
Overheard by: Christine
Older lady: I slit my brother's throat one time.
Guy: Uhhh…
Older lady: Well, I didn't mean to… It was kind of an accident.
Guy: These things happen…
–Bus Stop, Priest & Elliot
Overheard by: Trent
50-ish woman: My mom had a stroke.
Friend: Honestly, worse things can happen.
–Café Henri, West Village
Man with beer #1: I love you, beer. You satisfy me in ways my wife never could.
Man with beer #2 to other man: You satisfy me in ways my wife never could…
–NJT to Penn Station
Overheard by: Geologist
Aunt: Do you know what you are being?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Does it start with a b?
Child: Maybe.
Aunt: Your father calls me that all the time, you can say it…I give you permission.
Child: No.
Aunt: Is it a female dog?
Child: Yeah.
Aunt: Come, tell me…is it “bitch?”
Child: Yeah, I'm a being a bitch.
–Isabella's, 81st St
Overheard by: Gerald T Reiner Jr.
Little girl: Mommy! Mommy! How many times have I asked you for a brother?
Mother to friend: Yeah, she's been buggin' me about having a boy.
Little girl: Yeah! And we can name him David!
Mother: David? David? Hooooo, girl! Hell no!
–Staten Island Ferry