Archive for the ‘Family Ties’ Category

I’ve Never Been More Proud.

Angry 20-something girl: Dad, you realize that when you refuse to give me the keys to my car that he’s been illegally driving, you are effective enabling him to steal from me!
Confused-looking dad: Well, I understand how you feel, honey, really I do, but…
Angry 20-something girl (cutting him off): Don’t fucking placate me, you sonofabitch!
Confused-looking dad (looking helplessly toward his wife): Cheryl…your daughter is yelling at me using profanity and words I don’t know.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Krystal

Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family

Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!

–73rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t‑shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.

–Columbia University

Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!

–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza

Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bih.

Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!

–10th & Ave B

Overheard by: Kayla K

Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Geologist

Can We at Least Agree That Two Whites Don’t Make a Wong?

Highly agitated gay man, bleach-blond, indeterminately biracial: My mother was black! She died in 1999!
Middle aged black woman: Now, wait a second…
Highly agitated gay man: My mother was black and my father was Chinese!
Middle aged black woman: Now, you just don’t worry about them…
Highly agitated gay man: If I’m white, it’s because my black mother was white!
Middle aged black woman: Now you’re just bein’ crazy.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Overheard by: MPW

… So I Maced Him.

College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were having sex.
20-ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
College girl, excitedly: That’s exactly what my dad said!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Vicksburg