Archive for the ‘Fashionistas’ Category

You Should Take That As a Sign to Fuck Me

Fash­ion­ista queer: Ex­cuse me, could I bum a cig­a­rette?
Rock­er queer: Sor­ry, I don’t smoke. But you should take that as a sign to quit! It’s bad for you!
Fash­ion­ista queer: Who cares, I’m skin­ny!

–Cafe­te­ria, 17th & 7th

Over­heard by: Nellee

A Wednes­day for Break­fast, a One-Lin­er for Lunch, and a Sen­si­ble Din­ner

Dancer girl: I dun­no, I mean, like, I wish they made a size like, triple ze­ro, so I would have some­thing to look for­ward to, y’­know?

–Cen­tral Park

Man: Yeah, that’s how you gain weight: a backed-up colon. I cleaned mine out this week­end.

–B54 Bus

Over­heard by: Al­ma Mo­la­to

Old woman, very loud­ly, in the mid­dle of the movie: Boy, is she skin­ny!

–Movie the­ater, 86th Street b/w 2nd & 3rd

Over­heard by: The New York Crank

Girl on cell: If bitch can’t af­ford to buy her own gro­ceries, she can just get skin­ny!

–Green Vil­lage Used Cloth­ing, Bush­wick

Anorex­ic fash­ion­ista: Any self-re­spect­ing anorex­ic knows that!

–Lin­coln Cen­ter, 62nd & 9th

Man on cell: You went to a par­ty last night? Well, that means you have to do three hours to­mor­row. And I want you to drink lots of wa­ter, but none of that crys­tal light crap. That is sev­en calo­ries that you do not need.

–Block­buster, Broad­way

Scrooge Mc­Duck­’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fash­ion­ista to an­oth­er: It did­n’t taste that good, but I re­al­ly need­ed the mon­ey.

–Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: John Galt Jr.

Fash­ion stu­dent: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how ob­sessed with mon­ey it’s be­come… Yeah, so I’m leav­ing the pro­gram to study ad­ver­tis­ing.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: no­va sco­tia

Se­cu­ri­ty guard to an­oth­er: I ain’t here for the mon­ey. I’m here for the fuckin’ pres­tige.

–West­min­ster Dog Show, Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: Am­ber Star

White chick on cell: Hi, hon­ey! How are you? Are you be­ing tick­led by coins? Are you be­ing tick­led by coins?!

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: mela

Guy on cor­ner: Can you spare any change or fre­quent fly­er miles?

–14th & 6th

Over­heard by: Sci­en­tif­ic

Frumpy la­dy to Joey Ra­mone looka­like: I’m feel­ing aw­ful­ly con­sti­pat­ed, ba­by! Con­sti­pat­ed with mon­ey is the way I like to be!

–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge

Dude, No­body Lis­tens to The Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Any­more

Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you go­ing to lis­ten to Bar­bra Streisand for­ev­er?

–Christo­pher & Bleeck­er

Over­heard by: Ko­rky

20-some­thing girl: I’m a teenag­er! I col­lect pogs and say “suck it,” and lis­ten to Kriss Kross!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: Claire H.

Guy: Man, these guys are like The Bea­t­les of my gen­er­a­tion.

–In Line for Cy­press Hill Show, Nokia The­atre

Burly MTA con­trac­tor: I mean imag­ine if it was a dude singing “I kissed a guy and I liked it.”

–Cham­bers St Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: sarah

Trendy girl: I can’t be­lieve they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess “Don’t Stop Be­liev­ing” and “We Are the Cham­pi­ons”… ba­si­cal­ly any Queen song.

–Cold­stone Cream­ery, As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Any Brit­ney Song

20-some­thing girl to 20-some­thing boyfriend: Don’t dress up like El­ton John be­cause I want you to. Dress up like El­ton John be­cause you want to.

–Hal­loween Shop, 11th St & Broad­way

What Not to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Hip­ster girl: Look, just be­cause you’re preg­nant does­n’t mean you have to dress like a fifth grad­er.

–Union Pool, Brook­lyn

Vain fag, look­ing at pants: I re­al­ly love these shorts, I hope they’re *in* this sum­mer…

–LIRR

Guy wear­ing bright green leather clogs: No, I’d nev­er wear crocs. They’re ug­ly.

–For­est Hills Gar­dens, Queens

Over­heard by: Aloof Lon­er

Goth girl: Let’s buy fur coats and throw paint on our­selves.

–Bloom­ing­dale’s

Dis­em­bod­ied voice: Yo, these are mom jeans. I hate that shit! The waist goes all the way up to your stom­ach and then it makes a lit­tle V‑neck pouch for your vagi­na. I hate that shit!

–Fit­ting Rooms, Gap in Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: Zarya

[Wait­ing in line for the washroom.]Lady, bawl­ing her eyes out: Sor­ry, I or­dered this jack­et, and it’s two sizes too big!

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: Tra­cy