Archive for the ‘Fast Times at New York High’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “Is This Thing On?”

PA sys­tem: Leia, please meet your par­ty at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your par­ty at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Be­yond, 18th & 6th

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

An­nounc­er over loud­speak­er: The time is now one am o’­clock!

–Bag­gage Claim, JFK

Over­heard by: Kim­mie

Loud­speak­er an­nounce­ment: At­ten­tion, all late night shop­pers, this is a live an­nounce­ment. I re­peat, this is not a record­ing! Right now, in our deli de­part­ment, ful­ly-cooked chick­ens! Come on over and get your chick­ens! They’re hot! They’re fresh! And they were alive this morn­ing!

–Path­mark, Cropsey Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Sta­cy

An­nounce­ment over loud­speak­er dur­ing class: Hel­lo, I’m sor­ry for the in­ter­rup­tion. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go out­side, they’re about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loud­speak­er: Good af­ter­noon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean “flag foot­ball” will meet in the cafe­te­ria im­me­di­ate­ly fol­low­ing ad­vi­so­ry.

–East Side Com­mu­ni­ty High School

Keep Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er in Your Pants, Dude

Prep­py guy: This may be the last thing I say with my pe­nis at­tached, but…

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his pe­nis is re­al­ly im­por­tant here, if his is bet­ter I’ll take him!

–26th St & Lex­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: your mom

Asian guy: Every­one else was on the floor. Every­one had a pe­nis in their face.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I’m say­ing is: don’t jump on the first pe­nis that comes along!

–Broad­way

Boss, about weightlift­ing: My gen­i­tals were so in­vert­ed I used to crap my pe­nis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six eu­phemisms for “pe­nis” in the first scene!

–Ju­nior High School

Over­heard by: gaby­gril­lz

Not An­oth­er Teen Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Teen in side­ways cap: I touched it, but I did­n’t like it.

–Up­town A Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

Stu­dent: Dude, I think I’m dyslex­ic with stairs.

–Stuyvesant High School

Teen, se­ri­ous­ly: No… We­bkinz are def­i­nite­ly a lot more high-main­te­nance then neopets.

–Down­town 6 Train

Teenage boy: I want to be a Sen­a­tor or some­thing like that. Like, the Gov­ern­ment is the best place to have sex.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was in­to things, now she’s not in­to any­thing.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: i don’t like stuff ei­ther

And the An­cient Greeks Owned Slaves!

Boy giv­ing pre­sen­ta­tion: Guys, shut up! Every­body has to be qui­et dur­ing my pre­sen­ta­tion.
Black boy: Man, your peo­ple kept my peo­ple down for hun­dreds of years. I ain’t be­ing qui­et for your pre­sen­ta­tion!
Boy giv­ing pre­sen­ta­tion: I’m not white, dude. I’m fuck­ing Greek.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Re­al Bun­ny Eyes Dis­solve, Too

Girl #1: We did this ex­per­i­ment with Peeps in high school. Noth­ing dis­solved them. Not hy­drochlo­ric acid. High­ly con­cen­trat­ed. Not sul­fu­ric acid. High­ly con­cen­trat­ed. Not ni­tric acid. High­ly con­cen­trat­ed. Noth­ing dis­solved ex­cept the eyes.
Girl #2: So how come when I eat Peeps, my poop is­n’t pink and spark­ly?
Girl #1: Oh, there’s in­gre­di­ent break­down and bile’s in­volved, but you pret­ty much shit Peep.

–Metro-North train