Mom: Let’s take the stairs, honey.
Thick daughter: Are you saying I’m fat?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Jason
Archive for the ‘Fat People’ Category
Because Obama Totally Seems Like the Type Of Guy Who Listens to Rap
Obese black man #1 playing loud obscene rap song: What she looking at? (points to two old Russian women at the front of bus) Man, these white people. Don’t they know this is a free fuckin’ country?
Obese black man #2: Yeah, I’m tellin you, now that Obama’s elected, white people are gonna know what the fuck’s up.
–Q63 Bus
Overheard by: filemeunder
To-Do List: Continue Sit-Ups. Refine Chitchat.
Fat creepster: Where you goin’, girl?
Terrified blonde: … Home?
Fat creepster: Have a nice cunt! Oh, day! I mean ‘day’!
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: Freudian Slip
Readers: Answer this Big Question
Guy on cell: What, you thought they were going to let fat people into the club?
–N train
Fat Lady Weight Loss Tip #457: Talk about Colonics
BBW: She had her first colonic when she was twelve.
–Brooklyn Heights
She Stopped Eating the Granulated Kind Straight from the Bag
Zaftig female usher: I’m trying so hard to lose weight, but I’m having the hardest time!
Obese female usher: You have to cut out sugar. That’s what I do.
–Avenue Q, Golden Theatre
That’s Including the Rocks in Her Head
Woman #1: This train goes really fast!
Woman #2: They don’t run it as often, I think because they’re afraid people might jump in front of it.
Woman #1: Oh my god! Who could be that depressed? Take some pills, for Christ’s sake.
Woman #2: I’m surprised it’s such a problem here, I mean, duh, you got all these tall buildings.
Woman #1: Well, any building–
Woman #2: No, you gotta go up at least 17 stories to be sure, otherwise you just end up in a wheelchair which is, duh, super-depressing.
Woman #1: 17 stories!
Woman #2: Maybe 15 for you, you weigh more than me.
–4 train
You Can’t Judge a Wednesday by Its One-Liner
College student: This is the best Barnes & Noble I’ve ever seen!
–Borders, Time Warner Center
Student: So, the author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-low… Fuck it, we’re calling him L‑train.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Harker
Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I’m reading. It’s off the hook! They’re sending in this undercover agent, and I think it’s his sister, but he’s all getting ready to have sex with her!
–White Castle, 36th & 8th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & Noble. (pause) Nigga, I can read!
–Union Square
Little British boy: Oh my goodness, dad, look! They have books on dating. How to Date? is probably like, “Don’t take her to McDonald’s!”
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Laura
Tattooed artsy guy, putting hand on artsy Asian girl’s shoulder: I read your book and really liked it… lotta pissing, huh?
–Mott & Prince
It’s Even Hard for Grownups to Grasp
Obese black woman, explaining 9/11 to seven-year-old daughter: We talk about this every day, honey. The ending’s not gonna change.
Daughter: They put up the flag up after? Didn’t it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kinda had more important things to deal with. They didn’t have a washing machine there.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Or If We Were an Alien Race That Mated Through Our Hands
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: What we do is not disgraceful. There’s nothing disgraceful about you.
Tall thin man, with boom box in hand: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: There’s nothing disgraceful about me.
Tall thin man: No.
Short, fat, toothless-sounding woman: It’s the sin that’s disgraceful. Us, holding hands, how we show our love, that’s fine. It would be a whole different story if I wasn’t married, but I am.
–Essex & Delancey
Overheard by: nb
