Archive for the ‘Favorites’ Category

It’s All Fun and Games Un­til He Dri­ves the Bus in­to the Riv­er

Bus dri­ver: Next stop: 60th Street, trans­fer to the four, five, six or the N/R. Six­ti­eth Street and Bloom­ing­dales, next stop… Hi, every­one — I’d like to take this red light to thank you for join­ing us on this, the one hun­dred and fif­teenth run of the M103 bus. Now, I know some of you have had bad days at school, work, church, et cetera, but please don’t bring that home to your loved ones. Leave all your stress on the bus, and I’ll toss it in­to the East Riv­er for you when we pass it. [Applause.]Middle-aged woman: Well, that was nice of him!

–M103 bus, 3rd Ave

I See Your Chick-Fil‑A and Raise You a Taco Bell

Tod­dler: Mom­my, this bath­room is dirtyyy! Mom­my? What’s the clean­est place in the world?
Moth­er: I don’t know, that’s a good ques­tion.
Tod­dler: Well, I know that the dirt­i­est place ever, ever, ever, ever, ever is Chick-Fil‑A.

–Re­stroom, Lunt-Fontanne The­atre

Over­heard by: Not eat­ing at Chick-Fil‑A any­more

Star­bucks: Where Six of One is Not a Half-Dozen of the Oth­er

Em­ploy­ee: Ma’am, can I help you?
Woman: I’d like a half dozen of your choco­late chip cook­ies.
Em­ploy­ee: We on­ly sell them, like, 1, 2, 3…
Woman to friend: Is she se­ri­ous?
Friend: She’ll take 6.

–Star­bucks, Rock­e­feller Cen­ter Con­course

Shal­low Grave

Girl #1: So I think he died, right there in his place on 96th Street.
Girl #2: How do you know?
Girl #1: We were talk­ing on the phone and then, noth­ing.
Girl #2: Was it hard for you?
Girl #1: Oh, I don’t care.

–F train

Over­heard by: NJM

What Hap­pened to You, Alex P. Keaton?

Banker guy: I hope you have bail mon­ey.
Bounc­er guy: Fuck you.
Man­ag­er guy: What’s the prob­lem here?
Banker guy: He shoved me.
Man­ag­er guy: I don’t know any­thing about that, but you did­n’t bring ID.
Banker guy: I have my Dart­mouth ID and my Gold­man Sachs ID.

–out­side Brass Mon­key, Lit­tle West 12th Street

Over­heard by: pb dot c

The Black Flag is at Half-mast

Guy #1: You do such dumb shit.
Guy #2: I do not.
Guy #1: Well, what about that E‑trades tat­too on your leg?
Guy #2: I’m hard­core!

–1 train

Chick: Sell-out by day…
Suit: Shut up, okay? What­ev­er pays the bills.

–CBG­Bs, The Bow­ery

Over­heard by: Sarah Roy­al

Drunk guy on cell: Dude, that’s crap, you got­ta live hard­core!

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Kate Eliz­a­beth

Teen girl: Man this sucks. Where are all the punks?

–8th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Mary

Chick: Dar­ryl does­n’t even know what hard­core is, first off. He was all, “What, is that like some kind of porn?”.

–2nd & A

Over­heard by: Ki­ra

Punk girl: Fight bu­reau­cra­cy!
Suit: You’re not the boss of me.

–Leonard be­tween Broad­way & Church

Over­heard by: Laki­ni Malich