Archive for the ‘Fears’ Category

The Pit­ter-Pat­ter of Tiny Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just go­ing to stay home and make ba­bies.

–1 Train

Col­lege pro­fes­sor: Every­thing that is wrong in this world can be traced back to ba­bies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Just Try­ing to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m go­ing to have to can­cel for a few dif­fer­ent rea­sons. First, the ba­by has­n’t got­ten all her shots. And more im­por­tant­ly, there’s some­thing peck­ing through my wall! I’m re­al­ly freaked out!

–Bleeck­er and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, af­ter watch­ing the el­dest push the mid­dle to the ground: What are you push­ing him down for? Are you try­ing to up­set my stom­ach so I lose this ba­by in­side me?

–St Marks Place, Stat­en Is­land

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have ba­bies so much, why don’t she just be a … doc­tor!

–52nd & 7th

Pro­fes­sor: 42-year-old ba­bies don’t have bones.

–Sch­enec­tady Coun­ty Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call It “Ex­treme Shar­ing”

20-some­thing hip­ster to friend, punch­ing him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Face­book sta­tus!

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: dude, just think up a new one!

Ca­ble man to an­oth­er, stand­ing in line at Wendy’s: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was go­ing to rob the place, so I came here in­stead.

–Flat­bush & Ocean Park­way, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: An­na

Crazy la­dy to pi­geon: Get out­ta here! You ain’t gonna get none if you beg. You got­ta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in oth­er di­rec­tion) That’s why you ain’t get none. (a few min­utes lat­er, she gets up to leave) Al­right. It’s been re­al. Thank for not steal­ing my pota­to chips.

–Tribeca Park

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag with­out ask­ing, you’re steal­ing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.

–Up­town 3 Train

Over­heard by: This girl from NY

You There– Stop Tex­ting at Once!

Woman #1: I no­ticed last night you had your nails done.
Woman #2: I hope I did­n’t hurt you.
Woman #1: We just have to be care­ful not to stretch any­thing.
Woman #2: Let’s call Jim­my next time, he’s great from a di­rec­tive point of view.
Woman #1: I won­der if any­one’s lis­ten­ing to this con­ver­sa­tion…

–A Train

Over­heard in Wednes­day One-Lin­er

20-some­thing dude to an­oth­er: It’s so hard to get laid in this city be­fore 11 pm!

–M‑15 Bus

Hot­tie: I am in New York City. You need to make $250,000 to live like a white per­son.

–28th & 29th

Over­heard by: A black per­son from Chica­go

20-some­thing male to fe­male: So you’d bet­ter be pre­pared. It’s like the Times Square of New York.

–16th St & Union Square

Over­heard by: An­nie B

Mid­dle-aged His­pan­ic dude to In­di­an sales­per­son: This is New York City. No­body’s gonna kill you, okay?

–Rite-Aid

Young gay man: That’s what I hate about New York City. It’s such a fuck­ing small town.

–14th St & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: molls

Wher­ev­er Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Go, There They Are

Man on cell: I’m at the bad Du­ane Reade right now… Yeah, the one on 14th street…I know that’s the good one, but it’s in dan­ger zone.

–Du­ane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Over­heard by: not in dan­ger zone

Girl on cell: I’m in like the Mid­dle East some­where… Where are you?

–56th & 7th Ave

Over­heard by: dnuggets

Hip­ster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Mon­tre­al!

–Out­side Al­li­ga­tor Lounge, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: miles

La­dy yelling in­to pay phone, by plat­form: I’m in Yonkers! I’m right by the train!

–W 242 & Broad­way, Bronx

Over­heard by: Kriszti­na

Har­ried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I’m at the Port Authority…I hear this is where the bus­es leave from.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Jo­Bell

Scream­ing man on pay phone: Yo ‑I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin’ here and you ain’t here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da cor­ner wait­ing for yo ass for the past fifty min­utes. I on­ly get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain’t show up. [Paus­es, speaks more calm­ly.] I’m on da cor­ner of 33rd and 5th. [Scream­ing again.] Don’t tell me yo ain’t see me! I’m stand­ing right here!

–35th & Madi­son

As Long as We Main­tain a Sense of Smug Su­pe­ri­or­i­ty, We’ll Make It

Blonde #1: You know her par­ents are let­ting her study abroad next se­mes­ter?
Blonde #2: Re­al­ly? Where?
Blonde #1: Um­mm, this place that’s near, like… Rus­sia. Like, in Chi­na?
Blonde #2: Japan?
Blonde #1: No. Well, yeah, Japan’s in Chi­na, but that’s not the one she’s go­ing to.
Blonde #2: In­dia!
Blonde #1: No, but oh my god I to­tal­ly just re­mem­bered! It’s New Zealand!
Blonde #2: New Zealand’s not in Rus­sia, it’s in Aus­tralia, stu­pid.
Brunette passer­by: I fear for this plan­et.

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Mis­tress­Sil­ver