Archive for the ‘Ferry’ Category

Ever Wish You Could Vote Tourists Off the Is­land?

French tourist, af­ter dis­cussing Amer­i­ca’s faults in the world, to Amer­i­can man: Can you take a pic­ture of us with the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty in the back­ground?
Amer­i­can man: Ain’t she a beau­ti­ful bitch?
French tourist: Why do you say “bitch”?
Amer­i­can man: Well, she’s French. Wel­come to Amer­i­ca.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Va­ri­ety: Torch Chick Does­n’t Click

Tourist girl #1, look­ing at Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty: I don’t get it.
Tourist girl #2: Don’t get what?
Tourist girl #1: Why a chick with a torch? I mean, hon­est­ly — what Amer­i­can came up with the idea of build­ing a gi­ant chick with a torch?
Tourist girl #2: Ac­tu­al­ly, it was de­signed by the French.
Tourist girl #1: Well, that makes more sense. They’re al­ways putting up gi­ant, crazy things. The guy who did this should get to­geth­er with that Eif­fel Tow­er guy.
Tourist girl #2, shak­ing head and sigh­ing: Why am I friends with you?

–Cir­cle Line Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Kit­ty

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Un­der­stand the Cau­cus Sys­tem

Bleach-blonde: I would to­tal­ly vote for Mc­Cain if Mi­ley Cyrus were his run­ning mate.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: De­mo­c­rat

Woman: Oh, I am def­i­nite­ly a sin­gle-is­sue vot­er. And right now, that is­sue is: Which one of the can­di­dates can get me to a bath­room soon­est?

–7th Av­enue, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Chuck­ell

Drunk hobo to a group of pi­geons: And they’re all De­moc­rats. Can’t trust them De­moc­rats.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Young African Amer­i­can woman speak­ing an­i­mat­ed­ly on cell: … Vice pres­i­dent? Why should I run for Vice Pres­i­dent, I’m do­ing bet­ter than you, bitch! “Dream tick­et!” That’s why I hate white lib­er­als. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Re­pub­li­cans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheel­bo, shout­ing across the en­tire fer­ry ter­mi­nal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–White­hall Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

La­dy on cell: When you done turn Gov­er­nor, you can’t play dat shit…

–As­so­ci­at­ed Su­per­mar­ket, Myr­tle Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PdQ

Nos Mori­t­uri Te Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Boat PA: Ladies and gen­tle­men on the top deck of the boat, please do not stand on the bench­es. If you fall over­board, you will die in this frigid, freez­ing wa­ter. Thank you, and en­joy your vis­it to El­lis is­land.

–El­lis Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: land lub­ber

Ur­ban so­phis­ti­cate: Steve Ir­win’s death was ran­dom. That stingray did not know where his heart was!

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Opera

Over­heard by: Opera On­look­er

Male suit to woman suit: So, hope­ful­ly you’re not the an­gel of death… Are you?

–53rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: S&B

Teen guy to three teenage girls: I’m pret­ty sure I’m in­vin­ci­ble and can’t die.

–6th Ave

Over­heard by: Justin

Woman on cell: My trip went re­al­ly well, ex­cept for Mar­i­lyn’s* death and all.

–52nd St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: kinicke

50-some­thing pro­fes­sor: So, then the lit­tle girl goes back up in­to her room where she is read­ing bible vers­es while every­one else is in church. Then, she ei­ther dies all alone… Like Heath Ledger… Or she kills her­self. We just don’t know.

–Barnard Col­lege

Dr. Seuss Got This Crap a Lot.

El­der­ly woman: Come on now, we’re dis­em­boat­ing…
Sassy son: “Dis­em­boat­ing”? How about “dis­em­bark­ing”? What are they teach­ing you at the home, Eng­lish for Amer­i­cans?

–Fer­ry to Gov­er­nors Is­land

Over­heard by: Loves to Dis­em­boat and her col­league, Chron­ic Dis­em­boater

Boys Don’t Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Mom to small chil­dren: Well, we all have parts. And these parts talk to our bod­ies and tell us we are a boy or a girl. And some­times these parts get con­fused.

–Wash­ing­ton Square East

20-some­thing girl to male friend: You’re a dirty girl! You’re a dirty girl! You’re a dirty girl!

–N Train

Over­heard by: TR

Moth­er to gen­der-tran­si­tion­ing son, ques­tion­ing plans for surgery: Are you a boy trapped in a girl’s body? I’m get­ting a face lift, and it’s be­cause I’m a young per­son trapped in an old per­son­’s body.

–39th & 9th

Man in yel­low and green track suit and avi­a­tor sun­glass­es: Nah, I can’t go. That’s when I’m hav­ing my breast re­duc­tion.

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Ems

Teenage boy: I don’t wan­na be on that block, son! I know too many tran­nies on that block!

–Bed­ford & Grove

Over­heard by: How many is too many?

Guy on cell, leav­ing mes­sage: Hel­lo, Dave. This is your moth­er.

–Tisch School of the Arts

Over­heard by: Bruce Lee

Teen boy: Fear me, I have vagini­tis!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Jin­gles