Archive for the ‘Film’ Category

And What’s More Hi­lar­i­ous Than Mid­dle-aged Sex?

Com­e­dy show pro­mot­er: Com­e­dy show tonight! 50% off, right here! What about you guys?
Mid­dle-aged woman with hus­band: No thanks, we’re see­ing a movie.
Com­e­dy show pro­mot­er: What about af­ter your movie? We got late shows too!
Mid­dle-aged woman: That’s when we go home and have sex. Thanks, though.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Wear Heels in Bed

Ob­nox­ious NYU stu­dent on phone: Hey, re­mem­ber that cute boy in my chem­istry class I was telling you about? Well, I to­tal­ly just saw him in a gay porno!

–Study Room, NYU Dorm

Over­heard by: NYU Ears

Pa­tient woman: She’s mak­ing friends with an old porn star, leave her alone!

–2nd Ave b/w 50th & 51st

Over­heard by: sab

Cranky suit to nod­ding friend: Ex­cept for porn and eBay, no one knows how to make mon­ey any­more!

–Madi­son Ave & 47th St

Over­heard by: kric­ka

Girl to friend: This would be a great place to shoot a porno.

–Down­stairs Bar, Mo­ri­mo­to Restau­rant

iPhone scream­er: Yeah, just take the ex­ec-u-ta­ble file and put it in the fold­er. Right the ex­ec-u-ta­ble file! I know, the mu­sic is fun­ny, like a porno, right?

–33rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Chick: You *know* we’re all go­ing to be googling “egg­beat­er porn” be­fore the night is over.

–Par­ty, 171st & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers See the World With Fresh Eyes

Lit­tle boy to dad: Does the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty have a claw?

–Bat­tery Park

Lit­tle boy to moth­er: Will you hur­ry up? You’re slow­er than my aunt Jebe­di­ah in the bath­tub!

–Clark St, Brook­lyn

Four-year-old boy to moth­er: And then you fed me…from your bel­ly but­ton!

–Old Navy Store

Over­heard by: Joy­ful­ly Yours

Lit­tle boy play­ing with friend: Buenos dias, rep­tile!

–As­to­ria Park

Over­heard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, look­ing at fa­ther’s New York­er mag­a­zine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Do­ma Cafe

Sev­en-year-old with Spi­der­man back­pack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Lit­tle girl with pig­tails, run­ning to sit with fam­i­ly: We’re go­ing to the dark side!

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t For­get the Pop­corn

Hip­ster: Aren’t you some kind of trai­tor? You’re go­ing to film grad school, and you saw Click on open­ing night?

–Mon­do Kim’s, St. Mark’s Place

Ush­er: All tick­et hold­ers, please en­ter the the­ater. We will not start ’til every­one is seat­ed in your box-of­fice, uh, thing you sit in.

–New York Pub­lic The­atre

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Black His­to­ry Month

Russ­ian woman to Russ­ian friend: I want to see No­to­ri­ous be­cause it’s about black peo­ple.

–Re­gal Cin­e­ma, 13th & Broad­way

High school boy: Hey, look–a black kid!

–B1 Bus

Over­heard by: Robert Gley­ber­man

Black guy: Don’t wor­ry, its al­right! I’m not that black! I haven’t mugged any­body in two weeks, and I love all white peo­ple un­der six feet tall!

–Time Square

Over­heard by: Jen­nie

Mid­dle-aged black woman, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: That George W. Bush! He walks like an ar­ro­gant black man!

–Queens

Over­heard by: Big­Fat­Tiger

Nerdy Jew­ish guy: I don’t know what went wrong. I should be a black girl by now!

–Queens Col­lege

It’s Even Fun­nier If You Know What They’re Talk­ing About

Girl #1: You’re a geek, too. You took your Lord of the Rings ac­tion fig­ures to the open­ing night of Re­turn of the King, and you made them sit on your lap and watch the movie.
Girl #2: That was­n’t me.
Girl #1: Oh yeah. That was me. But you like Dune.
Girl #2: Don’t you have a crush on Muad’Dib?
Girl #1: Oh yeah.

–Penn Sta­tion