Archive for the ‘Fire’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pow­der Their Noses

Fe­male suit in bath­room stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (paus­es, makes bath­room nois­es) Okay, well, I need it to­day. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bath­room nois­es) Great! (paus­es, toi­let flush­es) No, it’s okay, go ahead. (paus­es) Okay, no, I’m re­al­ly sorry–I’m just en­ter­ing the sub­way, that’s what all that noise was. (storms out of the bath­room, does­n’t wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flus­tered 50-some­thing suit: It’s burn­ing! It’s burn­ing!

–Penn Sta­tion Bath­room

Man in stall: There should be a law against what’s com­ing out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Over­heard by: I agree

Suit in bath­room on cell: Hon­ey, I can’t talk to you right now. (pause) I’m in the bath­room! (pause) I’ve got a fuck­ing dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Re­stroom, Grand Cen­tral

Six-year-old kid, fin­ish­ing at uri­nal: Shake the weasel!

–Men’s Room, Re­gal Bat­tery Park City Cin­e­mas

Over­heard by: Russ Wall

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Light Up the Sky Like a Flame

Woman: So, I left her this re­al­ly erot­ic mes­sage right be­fore her ho­tel room burnt down. I think that’s why we did­n’t get the apart­ment.

–2 train

30-ish la­dy to friend: That boy lights him­self on fire every time he’s weld­ing some­thing. I think he likes it. He’s some kind of weird py­ro.

–17th & 5th, Park Slope

British chick on cell: He what? He keeps set­ting him­self on fire?

–Ur­ban Out­fit­ters, 10th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Sala­mi

Queer on cell: So, Todd said, ‘Do you smell smoke?’ It was the gay mafia! They were try­ing to burn down the bar.

–14th & Ave B

Tip­sy 20-some­thing: Well, at least you did­n’t get set on fire. That’s the im­por­tant thing.

–1 train, 72nd St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Pitr

Even a Pen­ny for Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Hobo: Any­body help me feed my stom­ach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack.

–6 train

Over­heard by: P. Von Kant

Hobo: I said I was hun­gry. Hun­gry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this?

–9th St. & 2nd Ave

Hobo: Wan­na see the re­al Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya.

–Madi­son Square Gar­den

Over­heard by: Dan Ar­curi

She’s the Star of Vivid Video’s ‘Catali­na’s Burn­ing Nip­ples’

Girl: Y’­know Catali­na who works up­stairs? The one with the re­al­ly big breasts? When­ev­er it’s a cus­tomer’s birth­day, she pulls her shirt down, at­tach­es match­es to her nip­ples and lights the cake with them while singing, ‘Hap­py Birth­day.’
Guy: Are her nip­ples made of wood or some­thing?
Girl: I don’t know. All I know is when I turn around, they’re on fire!

–Up­town N, 23rd St

Over­heard by: Jat­mos

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Need No Wa­ter, Let the Moth­er­fuck­er Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great cos­tume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’

–CVS, 42nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: That’s right! Ar­rest me! I’ll burn half y’all hous­es down… And set the oth­er half on fire!

–Brook­lyn-bound Q train

Over­heard by: In­ci­ta­tus

Pseu­do-in­tel­lec­tu­al: She called me and told me there was a bon­fire in her ovaries.

–Mac­Dou­gal Street Ale House

Over­heard by: La­dle

Creep­ster: Come here… You don’t wan­na know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.

–Colum­bus Ave

Con­cerned NYU girl to boyfriend about Cal­i­for­nia wild­fires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!

–Wa­ter St dorm, NYU

Over­heard by: michael