Archive for the ‘Fire’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Powder Their Noses

Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)

–34th St & 9th St

Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!

–Penn Station Bathroom

Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.

–25th St & Park Ave

Overheard by: I agree

Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?

–Restroom, Grand Central

Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!

–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Wednesday One-Liners Light Up the Sky Like a Flame

Woman: So, I left her this really erotic message right before her hotel room burnt down. I think that’s why we didn’t get the apartment.

–2 train

30-ish lady to friend: That boy lights himself on fire every time he’s welding something. I think he likes it. He’s some kind of weird pyro.

–17th & 5th, Park Slope

British chick on cell: He what? He keeps setting himself on fire?

–Urban Outfitters, 10th & 2nd

Overheard by: Salami

Queer on cell: So, Todd said, ‘Do you smell smoke?’ It was the gay mafia! They were trying to burn down the bar.

–14th & Ave B

Tipsy 20-something: Well, at least you didn’t get set on fire. That’s the important thing.

–1 train, 72nd St station

Overheard by: Pitr

Even a Penny for Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: Anybody help me feed my stomach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack.

–6 train

Overheard by: P. Von Kant

Hobo: I said I was hungry. Hungry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this?

–9th St. & 2nd Ave

Hobo: Wanna see the real Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Dan Arcuri

She’s the Star of Vivid Video’s ‘Catalina’s Burning Nipples’

Girl: Y’know Catalina who works upstairs? The one with the really big breasts? Whenever it’s a customer’s birthday, she pulls her shirt down, attaches matches to her nipples and lights the cake with them while singing, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Guy: Are her nipples made of wood or something?
Girl: I don’t know. All I know is when I turn around, they’re on fire!

–Uptown N, 23rd St

Overheard by: Jatmos

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Need No Water, Let the Motherfucker Burn!

Girl on cell: So yeah, I was like, ‘That is a great costume,’ and then it set her hair on fire and I was like, ‘That’s gross.’

–CVS, 42nd & 3rd

Crazy hobo: That’s right! Arrest me! I’ll burn half y’all houses down… And set the other half on fire!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overheard by: Incitatus

Pseudo-intellectual: She called me and told me there was a bonfire in her ovaries.

–MacDougal Street Ale House

Overheard by: Ladle

Creepster: Come here… You don’t wanna know what I’m on right now. If you come home with me, I will light you on fire.

–Columbus Ave

Concerned NYU girl to boyfriend about California wildfires: Do you think Cher’s house burned?!

–Water St dorm, NYU

Overheard by: michael