Archive for the ‘Firemen’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Re­mem­ber elim­i­DATE Fond­ly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not any­one that I would be will­ing to in­vest years in… I mean I don’t want to have to spend my time ac­tu­al­ly work­ing on it. I fig­ured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to some­one a cou­ple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the sum­mer. No, she has no idea…

–Colum­bus & 62nd St

Grad stu­dent: They have this sym­bi­ot­ic re­la­tion­ship in which he does all the eat­ing and she does all the drink­ing.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Woman to her­self: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fuck­ing joke!

–Spring & Hud­son

Over­heard by: Os­car Gam­ble

Fire­fight­er to oth­ers: It’s not that I have any­thing against com­mit­ment; I just like di­ver­si­ty.

–125th St Fair­way

Over­heard by: Just Shop­pint

Man in shorts to an­oth­er: I would­n’t date a girl with dou­ble vi­sion, pe­ri­od.


Over­heard by: Dr No-Eyes

Busi­ness­woman to hobo: If you get back in the dat­ing scene, I’ll kill you.

–Hous­ton & Lafayette

Over­heard by: Home­less guy must be hung

Grey’s Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl talk­ing to an­oth­er girl: I like rec­tal phys­i­ol­o­gy.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: no need to take her to a movie

Fire­man, mock­ing drunk voice and crazy walk­ing: Where are my kneecaps? Has any­one seen my kneecaps? Where the hell did my kneecaps go?

–Times Square

Over­heard by: jac­ki

Man on street talk­ing se­ri­ous­ly to friend: And then the la­dy’s head fell in­to the toi­let bowl.

–White St & W. Broad­way

Over­heard by: I would have loved to hear the end­ing of this sto­ry..

Guy: It would be bet­ter if we could see our own bod­ies cut up, all laid out on front of us like this!

–En­ter­ing the Bod­ies Ex­hi­bi­tion, South Street Sea­port

Girl in train: It’s so cold that my ears are freez­ing their ass­es off!

–4 Train

Over­heard by: Not High, Ku­mar

Woman at next ta­ble: Well, I on­ly get cold sores on my nose.

–The Mer­maid Inn, 2nd Ave & 5th

Are You Afraid of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

FD­NY lieu­tenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 be­cause some guy looked scary!

–34th & 10th

Over­heard by: guy in back of am­bu­lance

Gay guy to an­oth­er: I’m ter­ri­fied of suc­cess­ful women!

–23rd & Park Ave

Over­heard by: Moy

(guy with drums fin­ish­es a per­for­mance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gen­tle­men, thank you for lis­ten­ing. Help a broth­er out and do­nate some mon­ey if you en­joyed this per­for­mance. (la­dy in front of him looks scared)
Please do­nate and if you don’t know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Every­thing will be okay.

–E Train

Over­heard by: Sleepy

Crazy bag la­dy to high school boy: I ain’t scared of you. I’ll beat you with a crow­bar. Cuz I got­ta crow­bar in my pussy and it’s way up there!

–B54 Bus

Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Be­cause her legs were open in the ceme­tery.

–Gramer­cy Park

Those Spark­ly Stick­ers Made My Day

FD­NY in uni­form, wait­ing for fire­men who were gro­cery shop­ping: He kept say­ing, “you’re gonna get caught! You’re gonna get caught!” but I just took off the tag, put them on my face and just walked out of the store!
Civil­ian he was talk­ing to (look­ing shocked and equal­ly dis­gust­ed): Oh.

–Whole Foods, Hous­ton & Christie

Pour Some Wednes­day One-Lin­ers on Me

Fire­man on loud­speak­er, as he dri­ves by Mag­no­lia Bak­ery in fire truck: It’s just a cup­cake!

–11th & Bleeck­er

Over­heard by: Chris

Dis­ap­point­ed 20-some­thing girl to girl­friends: Yeah, but they don’t have choco­late cov­ered penis­es there.

–Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: Brooke­lyn

Large Ital­ian guy: What hap­pened to my tiramisu? That’s what I want to know!

–LIRR to Penn Sta­tion

Girl cov­ered in pink frost­ing on cell: There’s frost­ing all over me!

–170th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Hip­ster guy on cell: Yeah, so the food was like choco­late and chorizo…mother fuck­ing choco­late and chori­zo… No, it was good… You should try it… Why not? Fuck ve­g­an­ism! Some web­site… My­jam­bi. M‑y-j-a-m-b‑i. Why choco­late? How should I know? It’s for the web­site. Yes, the web­site! I don’t know why the dog was there.

–28th & Park

Old woman to over­weight woman: You look like you would know the an­swer to this… Where is a cup­cake bak­ery around here?

–53rd & 3rd