Archive for the ‘Fitness’ Category

Keep Your Wednes­day One-Lin­er in Your Pants, Dude

Prep­py guy: This may be the last thing I say with my pe­nis at­tached, but…

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: Hunter

Girl on cell: Well, I mean… his pe­nis is re­al­ly im­por­tant here, if his is bet­ter I’ll take him!

–26th St & Lex­ing­ton Ave

Over­heard by: your mom

Asian guy: Every­one else was on the floor. Every­one had a pe­nis in their face.

–D Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: All I’m say­ing is: don’t jump on the first pe­nis that comes along!

–Broad­way

Boss, about weightlift­ing: My gen­i­tals were so in­vert­ed I used to crap my pe­nis.

–5th Ave

Teacher: There are about six eu­phemisms for “pe­nis” in the first scene!

–Ju­nior High School

Over­heard by: gaby­gril­lz

Wednes­day Hold-on-There’s-Some­one-on-the-Oth­er-Lin­ers

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aun­t’s house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Over­heard by: Vic­to­ria Taraso­va

Dude on cell: No, it’s okay, my cell­phone is at­tached to my hand. It’s part of my hand!

–Restau­rant Bath­room, 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snot­ti­ly: No wait, wait… Is it full be­cause you keep leav­ing them for me and I nev­er both­er to lis­ten? (pause) Voice­mail is a dead tech­nol­o­gy, dad.

–Bus

Over­heard by: liz

Woman on crutch­es: Peo­ple think I’m talk­ing on one of those Blue­tooth-head­phone-cell phones. Nah. I’m just talk­ing to my­self. Pfft! I ain’t got no cell phone! I just talk to my­self! That’s right!

–Food Stamp Of­fice, 14th St

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Schrein­er

African Amer­i­can man on cell: I got­ta go. I got Richard Sim­mons on the oth­er line.

–30th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: mike v

How Many Weight Watch­ers Points Are in a Wednes­day One-Lin­er?

Young man: You’re fat be­cause you need to re­lease. Look at me, that’s why I’m slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brook­lyn

Sales­girl to sales­girl friend: I wan­na thank you for tak­ing the time to re­peat­ed­ly hit me in my arm fat and make it jig­gle.

–Hen­ri Ben­del

Over­heard by: Stephan Dion

Pro­fes­sor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around class­room and no­tices there are some fat girls) …most­ly.

–Fash­ion In­sti­tute of Tech­nol­o­gy

Suit to an­oth­er: All I’m try­ing to say is, she’s not tall enough for her weight.

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: ed­napon­tel­li­er

Black girl: Fat peo­ple can do splits be­cause they have no bones.

–Piz­za Place, St. Mark’s Place

Five-year-old to very over­weight man while wait­ing for Thanks­giv­ing Day pa­rade: Are you one of the bal­loons?

–Broad­way & 50th St

Over­heard by: Pe­ter