Archive for the ‘Flyer people’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers from H‑E Dou­ble Hock­ey Sticks

Guy look­ing at books, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: I don’t want to hear or see any­thing about the dev­il, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys.

–Barnes & No­ble

Over­heard by: 153

Guy hawk­ing pam­phlets: How to suck­er punch the dev­il right in the ass!

–W 12th & Brod­way

Over­heard by: Why did­n’t I get that pam­phlet?!

Cowork­er about col­league: Every time he comes by here the num­ber 666 comes up.

–1250 Broad­way

Punk kid, walk­ing past a group of nuns: Hail Sa­tan!

–Wa­ver­ly & Greene

Pro­fes­sor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet in­ter­est­ing peo­ple there!

–Coop­er Union, As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Hope­ful­ly not me!

Crazy old­er la­dy scream­ing on cell: You what? You are buy­ing so­da? You are go­ing to go to fuck­ing hell! Don’t you re­mem­ber the promise you made to god? You’re prob­a­bly stand­ing in line with some god­damn can­dy too. You are go­ing to hell!

–W Train

Over­heard by: DR G LUV

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hap­pen

Dude on cell: If he wrote a fuck­ing haiku I would shit my­self!

–50th b/w 8th & 9th

Hip dude: I was like: “Your voice is drown­ing me in a wave of bull­shit.”

–W 4th

Cus­tomer to as­so­ciate: Where can I pay for this shit?

–Ap­ple Store, 5th Ave

Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Ir­ri­ta­ble Bow­el Syn­drome. I’ll shit when I got­ta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Quip­py Pasqual

am New York pa­per guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free be­cause their em­ploy­ees get paid shit!

–53rd & 7th Ave

PE­TA-Ap­proved Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be sur­prised how many veg­e­tar­i­ans are in­to meaty chicks.

–E train

Man eat­ing sal­ad: Veg­e­tar­i­ans should be evo­lu­tion­ar­i­ly pun­ished.

–Small din­er, Chi­na­town

Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the rea­son he does­n’t like oral sex is be­cause he’s ve­g­an? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pret­ty sure that’s it.

–112th, be­tween Broad­way & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Gi­gi

Cougar din­ing with pals: I’m an an­i­mal-lover, so I’m go­ing to get the fish.

–Rue 57, 57th & 6th

Crazy woman: Veg­e­tar­i­ans have bet­ter sex!

–F/V train stop, Hous­ton & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: So, no hot beef in­jec­tion?

Woman hand­ing out leaflets for ve­g­an­ism: Come on, come on! Ve­g­ans have bet­ter sex! No, re­al­ly — try me!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: What is she try­ing to sell here?

Get Out­ta His Way When He Finds Out the Truth about San­ta…

Guy with fliers: Psy­chic read­ings! On­ly 10 dol­lars! Psy­chic read­ings!
Re­al­ist: Yo man, if that bitch knows where the mon­ey at, why don’t she go get it her­self?
Guy, drop­ping fliers: Word! I’m go­ing to go ask that bitch now!

–Union Square

Head­line by: Al­li­son

Run­ners-Up:

· “He’s a reg­u­lar Nos­tra-Dum­b­ass” — Smell­face

· “I see dead pres­i­dents!” — The Amaz­ing Gotcharock­soff

· “Miss Cleo: Your First Card Is Suck­er, The 3 Of Sheis­ters” — the ace of spades

· “That Takes a Pair of Crys­tal Balls.” — DanK

· “We ALL saw that com­ing” — JP

· “While You’re There, Ask Her Where The Lep­rechaun At” — wook­ie


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Don’t Bog­a­rt the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Fly­er guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here un­til five.

–45th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: En­gi

Yup­pie guy: Hey, you wan­na buy a bong and get pierced?

–Mac­Dou­gal & Bleeck­er

Over­heard by: Bet­ty Noir

Guy lis­ten­ing to iPod: Pussy, mon­ey, weed! Pussy, mon­ey, weed! Pussy, mon­ey, weed!

–183rd & Audubon Ave

Over­heard by: BB

Black guy to an­oth­er: All those nig­gas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each oth­er!

–A train, Brook­lyn

Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O‑M-G, you’re high.’ And I usu­al­ly am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she al­ways knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to com­ment on it every sin­gle time? At the dorms, at par­ties, even at Tar­get one time!’ Ha­ha­ha… But any­way, we might come Thurs­day. I’ll see if my funds are in or­der to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stun­na shades.

–6 train

Guy out­side MTV stu­dios: Stay calm. Every­thing is go­ing to be okay. There will be mar­i­jua­na give­aways.

–1515 Broad­way

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca