Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

She’s a Ve­g­an — Pass the Cheese­cake

Girl #1: So I was think­ing about milk the oth­er day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Oth­er cows?
Girl #1: No, dum­b­ass! They eat grass! So it stands to rea­son, when you drink milk, you’re ac­tu­al­ly drink­ing liqui­fied grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drink­ing milk any­more.
Girl #1: To­tal­ly, that’s why I drink soy.

–Ve­niero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave

Trans­la­tion: “God, I Need a Woman.”

Man: Yeah, my moth­er raised me right. I make sure I eat break­fast every day.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: I have sar­dines and grits every day.
Woman: Sar­dines?
Man: Hell, yes. Some­times I give some of the gravy to the cats, and they go crazy for it. I mean, it don’t mat­ter if they just ate or noth­ing, they just love the gravy.
Woman: Mmm-hmm.
Man: Gravy. I usu­al­ly give them a lit­tle of what­ev­er I cook. You know, and then they ei­ther eat it or they don’t. They like turn their heads away if they don’t like it. But they sure like gravy. Gravy.

–B26 Bus, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

A Smor­gash­board Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry any­thing. I don’t even fry my food any­more.

–47th & 6th

Over­heard by: A very dis­turbed News­bun­ny

Old Jew­ish woman to hus­band hold­ing restau­rant left­overs: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Is­rael!

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: What a waste!

Prep­py guy: At least *I’m* not the one mo­lest­ing fic­tion­al ce­re­al pitch­men.

–Park Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: La­dle

Girl on cell, talk­ing loud­ly: I don’t know what I want, but what­ev­er I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Prep­py girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Fe­male new stu­dent to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole bur­ri­to-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Over­heard by: Catie

Slang: The Right Way and the Wrong Ways

La­dy #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
La­dy #2: Are you kid­ding? Lis­ten, hon­ey, let me tell you…I just fin­ished my starter mar­riage, and I’ve been dat­ing like crazy!

–6 train

Over­heard by: BBW

Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Is­n’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yes­ter­day, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.

–F train

Over­heard by: fri­day­weasel

Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sand­wich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.

–Union Square

Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not go­ing to change the fact that he did it and he’s prob­a­bly just go­ing to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the sat­is­fac­tion of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.

–6 train

Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your pe­ri­od is end­ing.

–Q train

If Paris Hilton Comes In­to Red Lob­ster, We’ll Dis­cuss It

Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our ac­cents over there?
Woman: No, it’s be­cause in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs in­to restau­rants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the De­part­ment of Pub­lic Health. Con­sid­er this a warn­ing.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok be­cause y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.

–Red Lob­ster, Times Square

Over­heard by: Lynne & Craig