Archive for the ‘Food’ Category

All Wednesday One-Liners Over Six Ounces Will Be Confiscated

[Plane lands, bounces 20 feet into the air, finally slams back to earth, knocking all the oxygen masks out.]Flight Attendant: Thank you for choosing American Airlines, ladies and gentlemen, obviously we have have landed…

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: M. Smith/Terrified Passenger

Flight Attendant: Chicken or beef? Chicken or beef? … Don’t think about it too long honey, they taste like cardboard.

–United Flight

Flight Attendant: We have two lavatories in the back of the plane and one in the front. Please use them.

–LaGuardia Airport

Pilot: Remember, there are 50 ways to leave your lover, but only 8 ways out of this aircraft.

–JFK Runway

Overheard by: cms

Pilot, after an unusually smooth landing: God damn, that landin’ was butta!

–Jet Blue JFK

Wednesday One-Liners Melt in Your Mouth

Young woman to another: I’ve done some soul searching. I’m now willing to believe it’s not butter.

–Park Ave & E. 79th

Overheard by: andy

Annoying lady to worker who apparently mishandled her food: Apologize to the sandwich!

–Subway, Brighton Beach

Overheard by: Robert

Chick on cell: I try to eat as many acidic things as possible since I have a very creamy nature.

–35th & 7th

Girl on cell: Girrrrllll…he was meltin’ me like butter last night.

–Bedford Ave & N 5th

Overheard by: Marleni

College guy: All molds are not created equal! Think about yogurt, man, it’s all frickin mold!

–Columbia College Walk

Would-be CIA student on cell: Yeah, so I think my interview at the CIA went well. I think I’ll really like it there. (notices people around him) …the Culinary institute of America! (everyone smiles)

–80th & Broadway

Overheard by: Roth Hall

Wednesday Flatliners

Dude on cell: Alright, listen up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he’s not dead. If you come back and he’s still lying there, he’s dead, you follow? So, in that situation you are just going to go through the motions like we discussed.

–23th & 7th

Overheard by: mel

Random man on bicycle to doorman: You never know when you’re going to eat a bad mushroom and die.

–87th St & York Ave

Overheard by: Critter

Jersey woman, looking at a case with brains that suffered from major stroke: Oh my gawd… They probably died from that!

–Bodies The Exhibition, South St Seaport

Guy shopping in art supply on a cell: So you’re banking on dying young, then?

–Art Store, Williamsburg

Spacey old guy to friends, calmly: I want to murder that guy. (even more calmly) I’ve got bloodlust in my heart.

–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd

Overheard by: JKW

Woman on cell: You want to be cremated, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we going to do with you?

–Park Ave