Student #1: Is lettuce a vegetable?
Student #2: No. It’s a salad.
–24th St & Lexington
Archive for the ‘Food’ Category
Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up
Salad guy: I have bleu cheese and goat cheese, too.
Customer: What’s bleu cheese?
Salad guy: It’s a sad cheese.
–Hale & Hearty Soup
Cold Fish Is the New Warm Vegetable
Girl #1: Want to get take-out?
Girl #2: Sure. I feel like something warm and vegetarian.
Girl #1: Like what?
Girl #2: Hmm. Oh! Like a tuna sandwich.
–Upper West Side
Throw on Some Parliament and I’m Up for Anything!
Chick in stall: Would you ever eat cereal out of my mouth?
Friend in next stall: Well, if I had that background music… Yeah, sure.
–Bathroom, Joe’s Pub
Different Strokes for Different Wednesday One-Liners
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy’s kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we’re not together anymore, you don’t want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
I Told You Not to Use That Flavored Lube
Waitress: Can I get you folks something to drink?
Girl: Yeah, I’ll have a cranberry juice.
Grandpa: What’s wrong, you got a yeast infection or something?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: befuddled diner
He Scribbles Notes in the Margarines
Girl #1: I thought it was gross that he butters his bread on both sides.
Girl #2: Ew! He butters his bread on both sides?
Old woman: Is he married or something? I mean to be that particular…
Girl #3: No, he just wants to be published.
–Shun Lee Palace, East 55th Street
Overheard by: Andrew Saint-John Goodwin
They Took Behavioral Psychology from the Jabberwocky
Teen girl #1: Soup is my downfall.
Teen girl #2, yelling loudly: Human nature, human nature, soup!
–Columbia
Overheard by: Melissa
Besides, You Need to Learn to Make Do
Young daughter: I want an eight-inch one.
Mom: No, honey, eight inches is too long for you.
Young daughter: But I really want it.
Mom: No, you’ll just get the five inches, and it will be good.
–Quizno’s, 5th Ave
Food and I Have Agreed to Date Other People
Chick #1: Did you eat anything tonight?
Chick #2: No. I haven’t been eating much lately, but not in the unhealthy way.
–Bowery & Spring
