Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

There’s No Cry­ing in Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Con­duc­tor: This is Wil­lets Point/Shea Sta­di­um. You know, home of the oth­er team. (pas­sen­gers laugh) You may laugh, but we all know no one re­al­ly likes the Mets. Any­hoo, have a nice day, every­one. Stand clear of the clos­ing doors.

–7 Train

Over­heard by: Kris­ten

20-some­thing guy wear­ing Red Sox hat to girl­friend: There’s no way we can have kids in New York. They’d be go­ing to school with a bunch of brain­washed Yan­kee fan off­spring, and every night we’d have to be telling them bed­time sto­ries that end with “and they all lived hap­pi­ly every af­ter, ex­cept for Derek Jeter, be­cause he’s a fuckin’ ass­hole.”

–1 Train

Young woman on cell: I’m from New York, but live in Boston, but want to move back to New York… It’s hard be­ing a Yan­kees fan sur­round­ed by fuck­ing Red Sox fans. I can’t do it any­more.

–L Train

Over­heard by: I agree…

Sub­way con­duc­tor: Yan­kees fans. This is a Bronx-bound ex­press D. This will not stop at Yan­kee sta­di­um. Trans­fer at the next sta­tion to the B. (20 min­utes lat­er) Yan­kees fans. I promise you this train will not stop at Yan­kee sta­di­um. You can trans­fer to the B at the next sta­tion. Or you could just not go to the game. The choice is yours.

–D Train

20-some­thing moth­er to an­oth­er, try­ing hard to look knowl­edge­able: The Yan­kees and Mets are play­ing two games to­day, the first at Yan­kee sta­di­um and the sec­ond at Fen­way, where the Mets play.

–Barnes & No­ble Cafe

Woman in Je­sus t‑shirt: Je­sus hates the Yan­kees.

–Up­town C Train

Over­heard by: Pen­ny

Con­duc­tor to packed train: At­ten­tion, at­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. To all Yan­kee fans on this train, please have a safe day to­day, and en­joy the game. Per­son­al­ly, I am a Red Sox fan. That is all.

–Up­town 4 Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “Is This Thing On?”

PA sys­tem: Leia, please meet your par­ty at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your par­ty at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Be­yond, 18th & 6th

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

An­nounc­er over loud­speak­er: The time is now one am o’­clock!

–Bag­gage Claim, JFK

Over­heard by: Kim­mie

Loud­speak­er an­nounce­ment: At­ten­tion, all late night shop­pers, this is a live an­nounce­ment. I re­peat, this is not a record­ing! Right now, in our deli de­part­ment, ful­ly-cooked chick­ens! Come on over and get your chick­ens! They’re hot! They’re fresh! And they were alive this morn­ing!

–Path­mark, Cropsey Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Sta­cy

An­nounce­ment over loud­speak­er dur­ing class: Hel­lo, I’m sor­ry for the in­ter­rup­tion. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go out­side, they’re about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loud­speak­er: Good af­ter­noon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean “flag foot­ball” will meet in the cafe­te­ria im­me­di­ate­ly fol­low­ing ad­vi­so­ry.

–East Side Com­mu­ni­ty High School

The Yan­kees Re­al­ly Need to Hire Some Vi­cious British Soc­cer Hooli­gans

Yan­kee fan, see­ing girl in Red Sox hat: Booo! Boooo!
Red Sox girl’s friend: Leave her alone! She’s hot! Leave her alone!
Yan­kee fan: Booo! Red Sox suck!
Red Sox girl’s friend: She’s got big boobs, leave her alone!
Yan­kee fan: I’ve seen boobs be­fore! Booo!
(lat­er)
Yan­kee fan: Red Sox suck! Booo!
Red Sox girl’s friend: Leave her alone, she’s hot!
Yan­kee fan: That’s your opin­ion! Booo!

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Don’t Hate the Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Hate the Game

(a pi­geon flies up to a ram­bling bike mes­sen­ger)
Bike mes­sen­ger: Hey, bird. Whad­da ya say? How you do­ing? You play base­ball? What po­si­tion? First base? Third? Catch­er?

–47th & Madi­son

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can’t they, like, have two foot­balls in­stead so both teams could score?

–Doc­tor’s Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Robert Gley­ber­man

Pro­fes­sor: Did I tell you guys I’m get­ting in­to pro­fes­sion­al wrestling?

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Did­n’t want the de­tails

Guy to an­oth­er, scream­ing at the top of his lungs: It’s fuck­ing field hock­ey! It’s a girl’s sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Scott Ju­rkows­ki

Train con­duc­tor, an­nounc­ing stop: Wil­lets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *oth­er* team.

–Wil­lets Point, Queens

Over­heard by: Ran­dom Asian Chick