Archive for the ‘Football’ Category

Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot

Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!

–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown

Headline by: JakeP.

Runners-Up:
· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” – Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!
· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” – mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” – PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” – Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” – Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” – Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” – tatts

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

You've Got Some Set Of Wednesday One-Liners on You, Buddy!

Woman on cell: I'd love to watch football with you. I'll even hold the balls.

–92nd & Lexington

Boyfriend to guy sitting between him and his girlfriend: Hey man, can you slide over? I need some ball space over here.

–Uptown 4 Train

20-something chick: I aim for as many balls as possible.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister

Woman to male Target employee: Do you have balls? (brief awkward pause) Like playing ones…

–Target, Queens

Mother to kids: Okay, raise your hand if you don't have balls! (group of boys eagerly raise their hands)

–LIRR

Overheard by: Chadwick

No Wednesday One-Liner Left Behind

Rangers fan, about two players who are brothers: No, they're like the same age. They've gotta be like four or five months apart.

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: helenathegreat

Blonde to blonde friend, looking outside from Legally Blonde theater: Oh, wow, it's still light out.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jaime and Bridget

Girl to friend: I don't even know how long ago one minute ago was.

–New Year's Eve, Times Square

Overheard by: Kristina

Girl, pointing to turkey walking around: Look at the peacock, it's so pretty!

–Central Park

Lady on cell: I told her she was an ungrateful b-i-c-t-h!

–14D Bus

Overheard by: Evan Wilson

Which Is Full Of Men I'd Fuck

Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Tom Brady is the best quarterback in the NFL.
Skinny Asian guy: I don't think he's the best, but he's pretty good.
Attractive, tall guy: He's no Joe Montana.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: That's bullshit, he's the best ever, and you can't really argue that point. Just look at how many touchdowns he has.
Skinny Asian guy: Man, you are in love with him, it's a little scary.
Supposedly straight guy from Boston (completely serious): I am, I would totally let him fuck me if he would let me hang out with him…I would be the man.
Skinny Asian guy: I thought you were straight?
Supposedly straight guy from Boston: Fuck you! I am straight but that doesn't mean I can't bang Tom Brady. I wouldn't give him oral though, I don't think.
Overweight Hispanic guy drinking appletini: Football sucks compared to soccer.

–45th & Madison