Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category

Don’t For­get about That One “I’m Too Hun­gover to Grade”

Stu­dent: So, I was won­der­ing if I could know how I did on that pre­sen­ta­tion last week.
Pro­fes­sor: Oh, yes, yes — you did won­der­ful!
Stu­dent: No, I mean, like, how did I do?
Pro­fes­sor: Won­der­ful. You did won­der­ful.
Stu­dent: So… Is that my grade?
Pro­fes­sor: Yes.
Stu­dent: Great, now I have all ze­ro’s and a ‘Won­der­ful.’ I won­der what that av­er­ages out to.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Quee­queg the Tam­poon­er Thought Oth­er­wise

Roomie #1: Why is this non-slip grip on the new tam­pon ads such a big deal? When do I re­al­ly need some su­per non-slip grip sport tam­pon?
Roomie #2: You know, when you’re un­der wa­ter.
Roomie #1: Un­der wa­ter?! I am not the Lit­tle Mer­maid!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: a con­fused roo­mate #3

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”

As It Clear­ly States in Joss Whe­do­n’s Ver­sion Of the Bible

Pro­fes­sor: Does any­one know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Stu­dent: It’s be­cause the Jews put blood on their doors so Je­sus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.

–Class­room, Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: dun­dun

Rorschach Hands: the New Psy­cho­an­a­lyt­i­cal Tech­nique

Pro­fes­sor: When vas­sals would take an oath of loy­al­ty they would kneel in front of the king and put their hands like this [puts hands in prayer po­si­tion]. Now, what does this look like?
Stu­dent: A vagi­na?
Pro­fes­sor: No! Pray­ing! It looks like pray­ing!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ma­ri­na C

Head­line by: belle

Run­ners-Up:

· “Ei­ther way, it helps to kneel.” — Lind­sey

· “From The Da Vin­ci Code’s delet­ed scenes.” — nick

· “In a re­fresh­ing move from the anus, to­day’s head­line con­test is brought to you by the vagi­na. That’s right, Over­heard in New York is wip­ing back-to-front.” — er­ak

· “Now Get Your Cock Up In This” — B.M.D.

· “Okay, maybe a LIT­TLE prayer in schools would­n’t hurt” — space coy­ote

· “Putting the Pussy on a Pedestal” — Clof


Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Is It Sick That I Wednes­day on Their One-Lin­ers?

Guy on phone: It’s prob­a­bly some­thing be­yond the bes­tial­i­ty in why you did­n’t get hired.

–4th & Lafayette

Over­heard by: andy

Dis­em­bod­ied voice in crowd: Necrophil­ia, re­al­ly?

–Times Square

Man: The thing is: my safe­ty word is “No, hard­er, hard­er.”

–NY Com­ic Con

Girl: No, se­ri­ous­ly, my par­ents used to have like a har­ness and a leash for me, be­cause I used to run away in the air­port all the time.

–Ford­ham Law School

Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.

–1st Ave & 11th St

Over­heard by: Will

Guy: Great. She does­n’t even know me and al­ready she thinks I have a pro­duce fetish.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Over­heard by: Hunter (aka,