Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Professor: So what do we know about these debt notes?” (silence) So what do *I* know about these debt notes, that obviously you don’t know?

–NYU Law School

Overheard by: Ames

Professor: My favorite words to hear are “just do nothing.” My second favorites are “open bar.”

–College of Mount Saint Vincent, Bronx

Environmental history professor: Look at some of the items on this menu from a hotel of Chicago Thanksgiving dinner from 1872: loin of buffalo, antelope steak in mushroom sauce, ham of bear, black tail deer, leg of mountain sheep, buffalo tongue… Miss Palin, your table is ready.

–Classroom, Fordham University

Overheard by: Martin Van Nostrand

Linguistics professor, about Spanish-speaking families who live in Spanish-speaking neighborhoods: The only English these people hear is from their landlords and social workers.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Latka Hero

NYU professor: So we’re going to be walking, and you’ll notice I walk pretty fast. But we’re in New York, and you’re supposed to walk like you know exactly where you’re going in life and nothing is in your way. Because if you slow down you’ll get mugged. (beat) It’s dog eat dog, people.

–NYU Classroom

Russian literature professor: Oh my god, you just totally missed the point of Jesus!

–NYU Classroom

A Better Question: Why Did Everyone Still Show Up?

Puzzled student: Professor, according to the syllabus we have a paper due in a week… What’s it on?
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: You have a paper due in a week? I was afraid of that!
Puzzled student: Also, according to the syllabus, we don’t even have class today. There’s…nothing written there.
Equally puzzled philosophy professor: Really? Huh. Well, I must have been drunk when I did that.

–Fordham University

Don’t Forget about That One “I’m Too Hungover to Grade”

Student: So, I was wondering if I could know how I did on that presentation last week.
Professor: Oh, yes, yes — you did wonderful!
Student: No, I mean, like, how did I do?
Professor: Wonderful. You did wonderful.
Student: So… Is that my grade?
Professor: Yes.
Student: Great, now I have all zero’s and a ‘Wonderful.’ I wonder what that averages out to.

–Fordham University

Queequeg the Tampooner Thought Otherwise

Roomie #1: Why is this non-slip grip on the new tampon ads such a big deal? When do I really need some super non-slip grip sport tampon?
Roomie #2: You know, when you’re under water.
Roomie #1: Under water?! I am not the Little Mermaid!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: a confused roomate #3

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Rorschach Hands: the New Psychoanalytical Technique

Professor: When vassals would take an oath of loyalty they would kneel in front of the king and put their hands like this [puts hands in prayer position]. Now, what does this look like?
Student: A vagina?
Professor: No! Praying! It looks like praying!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Marina C

Headline by: belle

Runners-Up:

· “Either way, it helps to kneel.” — Lindsey

· “From The Da Vinci Code’s deleted scenes.” — nick

· “In a refreshing move from the anus, today’s headline contest is brought to you by the vagina. That’s right, Overheard in New York is wiping back-to-front.” — erak

· “Now Get Your Cock Up In This” — B.M.D.

· “Okay, maybe a LITTLE prayer in schools wouldn’t hurt” — space coyote

· “Putting the Pussy on a Pedestal” — Clof


Click here to see the new Headline Contest