Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category

Fecal Coliform Wednesday One-Liners

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!

–Fordham University

Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…

–LIRR terminal, Penn Station

Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.

–7th & 2nd

Overheard by: BJ

Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!

–NYU dining hall

Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.

–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus

Overheard by: Robert

Wednesday One-Liners Strike Hard and Fade Away Without a Trace

Undergrad: Ninjas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them because actually they’re creeping up on you. And the person you’re creeping up on is actually a mendicant.

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: pumpkin

Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Staten Island. It’s like the ninja island.

–Notre Dame Academy, Staten Island

Overheard by: Green Star

Young lady suit on cell: Want to know what I learned today? Okay, you know how I really hate those rolling briefcases because they fucking ninja you while you’re walking? Well, today I learned that it’s really hard to be angry about a rolling briefcase when it’s being pulled by a genuine midget. It’s like watching a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: she wasn’t too tall herself…

Geeky girl: They should really make a video game about a ninja doing the dishes. That shit would be dope.

–Flatiron District

Jurassic Wednesday One-Liners

College guy: These are the best dinosaurs I've eaten all day!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center Campus

Ecstatic five-year-old girl: The dinosaurs! I can't wait to see the dinosaurs!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Overheard by: Miss Guided

Hippie girl: Yeah, I don't know about the eyeballs, but the dinosaurs are great!

–39th St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Natalie

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our dinosaurs could talk.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Because I don't etch on my DVDs with pterodactyls!

–Court Street, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Danielle

Guy rooting through trash: If you were a dinosaur I'd be a dinosaur right beside you.

–W 80th & Amsterdam

Harlot, 1995-2000: I Was a Team Player Skilled in Oral Communication with Customers

Acting student, performing a scene: You cheated on me! You harlot!
Acting professor: No, no! Now would you say ‘harlot?’ If someone called me a harlot I’d say ‘Oh thank you so much!’ You’d say you mother-fucking bitch, you whore, you slut! ‘Harlot’ sounds beautiful, I’d put it on my resume!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: team jeffrey

In Wednesday One-Liners We Trust

Hipster chick: Popping a blister is like smacking god in the face!

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Alice

Homeless man on train begging for money by telling jokes: A black man and a white man go into a bar. They get into a fight with each other. And then they die. And then they go to heaven and god says to them: "What it is… what it is!"

–1 Train

Overheard by: Kristin

Girl to friend: I’m gonna have to get ghetto on god!

–61st & Broadway

Overheard by: lizzerd

Homeless man says to homeless woman: Now, these people are trying to hoodwink god!

–Seventh Ave & Lincoln Place, Park Slope

Overheard by: Annie

Professor to students: God is not a drug dealer!

–Fordham University