Archive for the ‘Fordham’ Category

Is It Sick That I Wednes­day on Their One-Lin­ers?

Guy on phone: It’s prob­a­bly some­thing be­yond the bes­tial­i­ty in why you did­n’t get hired.

–4th & Lafayette

Over­heard by: andy

Dis­em­bod­ied voice in crowd: Necrophil­ia, re­al­ly?

–Times Square

Man: The thing is: my safe­ty word is “No, hard­er, hard­er.”

–NY Com­ic Con

Girl: No, se­ri­ous­ly, my par­ents used to have like a har­ness and a leash for me, be­cause I used to run away in the air­port all the time.

–Ford­ham Law School

Girl to friend: Hot wax and genitals…either very good, or very, very bad.

–1st Ave & 11th St

Over­heard by: Will

Guy: Great. She does­n’t even know me and al­ready she thinks I have a pro­duce fetish.

–Whole Foods, Chelsea

Over­heard by: Hunter (aka,

Fe­cal Co­l­iform Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Bird­seed don’t know shit about shit!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

An­nounc­er: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonko­ma is now board­ing on track eigh­teen. Shit…

–LIRR ter­mi­nal, Penn Sta­tion

Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer el­e­va­tor than we do! Shit.

–7th & 2nd

Over­heard by: BJ

Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!

–NYU din­ing hall

Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daugh­ter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mom­my.

–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus

Over­heard by: Robert

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Strike Hard and Fade Away With­out a Trace

Un­der­grad: Nin­jas, see. You can’t creep up on them. You can’t creep up on them be­cause ac­tu­al­ly they’re creep­ing up on you. And the per­son you’re creep­ing up on is ac­tu­al­ly a men­di­cant.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: pump­kin

Teen girl to friend: No one knows about Stat­en Is­land. It’s like the nin­ja is­land.

–Notre Dame Acad­e­my, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Green Star

Young la­dy suit on cell: Want to know what I learned to­day? Okay, you know how I re­al­ly hate those rolling brief­cas­es be­cause they fuck­ing nin­ja you while you’re walk­ing? Well, to­day I learned that it’s re­al­ly hard to be an­gry about a rolling brief­case when it’s be­ing pulled by a gen­uine midget. It’s like watch­ing a pony pull a cart. It’s adorable!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: she was­n’t too tall her­self…

Geeky girl: They should re­al­ly make a video game about a nin­ja do­ing the dish­es. That shit would be dope.

–Flat­iron Dis­trict

Juras­sic Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Col­lege guy: These are the best di­nosaurs I’ve eat­en all day!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter Cam­pus

Ec­sta­t­ic five-year-old girl: The di­nosaurs! I can’t wait to see the di­nosaurs!

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Over­heard by: Miss Guid­ed

Hip­pie girl: Yeah, I don’t know about the eye­balls, but the di­nosaurs are great!

–39th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Na­tal­ie

Girl on stoop: Yo, man, I wish our di­nosaurs could talk.

–St. Mark’s & 3rd

Over­heard by: An­na P.

Girl on cell: Because–you know what? Be­cause I don’t etch on my DVDs with ptero­dactyls!

–Court Street, Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: Danielle

Guy root­ing through trash: If you were a di­nosaur I’d be a di­nosaur right be­side you.

–W 80th & Am­s­ter­dam

Har­lot, 1995–2000: I Was a Team Play­er Skilled in Oral Com­mu­ni­ca­tion with Cus­tomers

Act­ing stu­dent, per­form­ing a scene: You cheat­ed on me! You har­lot!
Act­ing pro­fes­sor: No, no! Now would you say ‘har­lot?’ If some­one called me a har­lot I’d say ‘Oh thank you so much!’ You’d say you moth­er-fuck­ing bitch, you whore, you slut! ‘Har­lot’ sounds beau­ti­ful, I’d put it on my re­sume!

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty, Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: team jef­frey