Archive for the ‘Foreigners’ Category

Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners

Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?

–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game

40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!

–Outside Jake's Dillemma

Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Crazy Romanians

Wednesday One-liners

Russian lady: She loves to travel. Like some people alcoholics? She
loves to travel.

–Funayama, Greenwich Avenue

Guy on cell: Hey Maria? It’s John…from Biology…Oh, you can’t talk? OK. I love you. Bye.

–Washington Square Park

Euro chick: No silly, American football is like a girly version of rugby, they have rules and pads.

–66th & Lexington

Man: Look at all these little bananas! I don’t want none a these. These little bananas are for ladies.

–28th & Park fruit stand

Woman: You think that the players look at their butts in the mirror to see what we see?

–Yankee Stadium bleachers

Overheard by: Aryeh Jasper

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

Go Back Where You Came from, Wednesday One-Liners!

Woman: I just have a lot of leftover Mexican anger…

–7 train

Overheard by: Elle-train

Man: This guy is a well-known thief, and he’s mad at me for ratting him out about something everyone knows. You just can’t trust anyone, and that’s how I feel about all Canadians.

–NYU

Overheard by: Eleanor

Stoner: That girl was either French or retarded…

–14th St

Overheard by: jenna

Chick on cell: If you can’t tell what it is, it’s an armless mannequin with a wedding dress half on, breasts bared, with a nice Mexican woman posing her for me.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Boisterous SI woman: Just push those foreigners out of the way. I’ve got your back — they just want to see the green bitch in the water!

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Mr. Anderson & Poki

So We Have an Alibi

Irish guy: Yeah, I’m a hundred percent Irish. I just got back from Ireland this summer.
Black chick: Oh, you’re Irish? I’m part Irish.
Irish guy, skeptical: Really?
Black chick: No, seriously. An Irish slave master raped my great, great grandmother.
Irish guy: Well, my family got here in 1909.

–Ulysses’ Bar

Wednesday One-Liners Toot Their Own Horns

Guy on cell: Guitars… guitarists, guitarists… drummers, yeah, any musicians… Girls, yeah! Girls!

–Prospect Heights

Suave European guy: I am playing the piano and the flute. At the same time. It’s a metaphor.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Librarianish-looking woman: He asked me if I wanted to blow his tuba, and I said, "sure!". It was amazingly harder than I thought it would be. And, he’s bringing his organ tomorrow so I can play with it.

–Battery Park Starbucks

30-something woman: My consultant was telling me I should try not to sound elitist. But that’s really hard for me. I mean, I have two master’s degrees and I play the violin.

–14th St & 1st Ave

Bodybuilder on cell: I’m thinking a harpsichord, a wig, and a whole lotta talcum powder.

–Chinatown Bus

Blonde high school girl: Grinding is as practical as playing the harpsichord was for Jane Austen.

–Upper East Side

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