Archive for the ‘Foreplay’ Category

Ap­par­ent­ly My Years of In­ten­sive In­struc­tion Have Paid Off

La­dy #1: So, ap­par­ent­ly my son was over at Jessie’s house, and they were ‘touch­ing.’
La­dy #2, rem­i­nisc­ing: Oh, the pet­ting…
La­dy #1: I know, what a tramp! So any­way, Jessie’s mom was con­cerned about it, but I told my son, ‘Damn, you go boy!’

–Wall St

Over­heard by: al­so likes the pet­ting

We Can Spot Fake Wednes­day One-Lin­ers a Mile Away

Ex­as­per­at­ed woman on phone: It’s a phone in­ter­view! What does it mat­ter what type of boobs I have?

–Of­fice Build­ing, 32nd & 7th

Over­heard by: erkala

Girl, af­ter guy ac­ci­den­tal­ly hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeez­ing them, not hit­ting them!

–Toys R’ Us, Times Square

Over­heard by: Lotte

Up­per West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It com­plete­ly ru­ins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don’t want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you’re com­ing to New York? That’s good. I called your moth­er, she said you’re stay­ing with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to an­oth­er, while at lunch: I don’t care if you think I live too fast and I’ll be dead at 45. At least I’ll die with a tit­tie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: sal b

Un­less It’s an Ap­pari­tion Do­ing the Mo­lest­ing, Like That Hot Scene in Ghost­busters

Girl #1: I am so wast­ed. I got mo­lest­ed by some Mex­i­can at this sleep­over par­ty thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and every­one was fight­ing cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law say­ing that you can’t mo­lest some­one while they’re sleep­ing.
Girl #2: Ac­tu­al­ly, I think there’s a law say­ing you can’t mo­lest some­one, pe­ri­od.

–Stuyvesant High School

Over­heard by: if walls had ears

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Count Anal

Girl on cell: I don’t know what it is with me and vir­gins. I think I’ve col­lect­ed like four vir­gin scalps.

–Q58 Bus

Over­heard by: Tom

Cashier, scream­ing to friend cashier: But why do you have to tell every­one that he’s the guy who popped my cher­ry?

–72nd & 1st

Over­heard by: tomas

Ghet­to girl: If you got fin­ger-popped, you ain’t no vir­gin.

–Down­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Jake M

Teen boy on cell: Of course I don’t have any kids! Girl, you know I’m pure–like wa­ter in Africa.

–Man­hat­tan Ave & 123rd St.

Over­heard by: Cre­ative­Bun­ny

His­pan­ic girl, loud­ly to a group of friends : I mean, I’m still a vir­gin and I have three STDs!

–Ave C

Kept Ask­ing How Much of a Month­ly Pay­ment I Want­ed

Girl #1: … And then he texted me, ‘I hope all is well.‘
Girl #2: Oh, well that was nice.
Girl #1: Nice? ‘I hope all is well’?! Does he mean, ‘I hope all is well now that I’ve scraped your vagi­na out’?!
Girl #2: Well, I mean, he is a used car sales­man…
Girl #1: Oh my god. You’re right. Oh my god, I got fin­gered by a used car sales­man!

–12th & Uni­ver­si­ty Pl

There Are Niche Fetishists Who Would Pay Top Dol­lar for That Footage

Guy #1: I just don’t like the look of the out­ie. And some­times she rubs it against me, it creeps me out!
Guy #2: Dude, she’s fuckin’ hot! And you’re com­plain­ing when she rubs against you?
Guy #1: No, no, no–she’s not rub­bing against me, she’s rub­bing the out­ie against me–big dif­fer­ence! And she’s on­ly do­ing it to creep me out, ’cause she thinks it’s fun­ny.

–6 Train

Whether You Find This Cute or Pa­thet­ic Says a Lot About You As a Per­son

Hair-twirling woman: I did ac­tu­al­ly put sex on the cal­en­dar, be­cause it’s on­ly been four months. That’s not long enough for us to stop hav­ing sex yet! And I put it on his iPhone, so it popped up a re­minder in the mid­dle of the day too, and was all, “don’t for­get, sex tonight!” He was like, “this is the worst idea ever.” And then we had din­ner and the alarm went off and I was like, “we have to have sex now, the iPhone said so!” And we did… and af­ter­wards he was like, “that was amaz­ing, why don’t we do that all the time?”

–W 4th St

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Pelv­ing Thrust­ing in Your Di­rec­tion

Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fuck­ing my ear! Fuck­ing my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!

–Walk­er & Canal

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on

Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kin­da turned to her, hand­ed her some nap­kins and told her to pre­pare her­self for a good fin­ger­ing.

–New Jer­sey Tran­sit

Girl in school hall­way: Nasty lit­tle tenth graders hav­ing sex in the stair­wells…

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Guy to an­oth­er: There’s on­ly three things peo­ple need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that’s it.

–125th & Lex­ing­ton

Stu­dent #1: (makes elab­o­rate point with with am­ple hand ges­tic­u­la­tion)
Stu­dent #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.

–113th & Broad­way

Crazy la­dy: San­ta ain’t comin’ to Brook­lyn! And I’ll be drunk to­mor­row, don’t you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-some­thing guy gives it to her) Have we had sex be­fore!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start clos­ing) We should re­al­ly have sex!

–C Train