Archive for the ‘Frat Boys’ Category

The Un­bear­able Light­ness Of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Rasta­far­i­an man to white bas­ket­ball fe­male play­er with dreads: Hey! Why you white peo­ple al­ways try­ing to look like me!

–Union Square

Black guy sell­ing Em­pire State Build­ing tick­ets: You’re from Scot­land? I love the Scots… They’re pu­u­u­u­u­u­ur­rreee white!

–Out­side Em­pire State Build­ing

Black woman to an­oth­er, about frat guys near­by: Man, white peo­ple are so loud.

–109th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Becks

Black hobo to white teen: Get out of this neigh­bor­hood with your white crotch! You don’t be­long here!

–Up­per West Side

Black woman to cops walk­ing away: But I’m a Cau­casian!

–Bed-Stuy

I Did­n’t Know I Was Wednes­day One-Linered

Smok­ing man to an­oth­er: I’ve heard be­ing preg­nant is re­al­ly bad for your health.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: CS

Large black woman: An’ I been tellin’ him I got all these ideas for t‑shirts… Like one for a preg­nant la­dy that says “Con­grat­u­la­tions, you’re not the dad­dy!”

–BX12 Bus

Over­heard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you’re preg­nant? You’re preg­nant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he did­n’t come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let’s go get preg­nant!

–San­tos Par­ty House, Lafayette St

Over­heard by: al­isa

Got Any Sack-Hy­giene Tips?

Frat boy #1: So, this chick loves to suck my balls.
Frat boy #2: Dude, you told us that, like, sev­en times.
Frat boy #3: Yeah, I’m be­gin­ning to think you’re ly­ing.
Frat boy #1: But now I got­ta re­al­ly lath­er up down there.

–Pool bar

Over­heard by: Scotched

Wednes­days Don’t Kill Peo­ple; One-Lin­ers Kill Peo­ple

Large black man on cell phone: They did the deal with the di­a­monds, then the oth­er guy got greedy and shot up the place.

–Union Ave

Over­heard by: Seth Call­away

Teen, look­ing around: Where are we? Are we pur­chas­ing il­le­gal arms?

–Turk­ish Restau­rant, Mon­tague St.

Over­heard by: Mike N

Blonde chick in pink coat, perk­i­ly: … There was no ex­it wound, and no bul­let.

–L train

Over­heard by: La­dle

Girl talk­ing to co-work­er: I live near Wall Street and there are like army men down there with ma­chine guns and it’s scary! How do I know they don’t have Touret­te’s and won’t just start shoot­ing their guns all over the place?!

–41st & 3rd

Old­er suit, calm­ly, to his two fe­male cowork­ers: I’d like to put a gun to his head and say “Nick­ie do the right thing or I will blow your fuck­ing head off.”
[His com­pan­ions nod in un­der­stand­ing.]

–Star­bucks

Calm Jew­ish fra­ter­ni­ty guy on cell: So, I’m be­ing de­port­ed and draft­ed in­to the Is­raeli army… It’s okay, I’ll name my gun af­ter you!

–NYU Wa­ver­ly Build­ing

Paris Hilton: “That’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.”

Hip­ster wait­ress to an­oth­er: Camel toe is like, re­al­ly hot, but al­so re­al­ly un­com­fort­able.

–Williams­burg

Col­lege guy to friend: Dude, I’d def­i­nite­ly date a dude who looked like a hot chick… It’s not gay.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Stephen

Pro­fes­sor: Wel­come to CUNY, it’s like menopause. It’s ei­ther too hot or too cold.

–City Uni­ver­si­ty of New York

Lati­no girl on cell: Bitch, please. I’m gonna look mad hot tonight. I’­ma comb my hair!

–Amer­i­can Ap­par­el

Male pro­fes­sor: I don’t care how hot Brad Pitt is… If he sits on my lap, noth­ing’s go­ing to hap­pen!

–New York In­sti­tute of Tech­nol­o­gy

Over­heard by: Not Brad Pitt