Archive for the ‘Free stuff!’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Al­ways PC

Young teen girl: I’ve done cy­ber­sex so of­ten I for­got how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have noth­ing to blog about. I have noth­ing to video blog about. Man, yes­ter­day I had to force my­self to tweet!

–Up­town 4 Train

Over­heard by: cow­girly

Girl sell­ing peach­es to an­oth­er: Yeah, my dad was so un­sym­pa­thet­ic when I told him my com­put­er crashed that I went straight to the Ap­ple store and charged a new hard dri­ve to his cred­it card. I was re­al­ly proud of my­self.

–Fort Greene Farm­ers Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Teenage girl to friend: I don’t see why we’re even here. We could see all this stuff on the in­ter­net for free.

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Derek

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hap­pen

Dude on cell: If he wrote a fuck­ing haiku I would shit my­self!

–50th b/w 8th & 9th

Hip dude: I was like: “Your voice is drown­ing me in a wave of bull­shit.”

–W 4th

Cus­tomer to as­so­ciate: Where can I pay for this shit?

–Ap­ple Store, 5th Ave

Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Ir­ri­ta­ble Bow­el Syn­drome. I’ll shit when I got­ta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Quip­py Pasqual

am New York pa­per guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free be­cause their em­ploy­ees get paid shit!

–53rd & 7th Ave

The Best Things in Life Are Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on cell: Why aren’t you look­ing for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Over­weight MTA work­er with mega­phone: Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no ser­vice!

–Franklin Ave Sub­way

Over­heard by: Je­sus Jon

Home­less guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Over­heard by: Za­ck

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stum­bling out on­to the side­walk: Ha! It’s free! Every­one, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Ex­hi­bi­tion, 106th St & Broad­way

Guy giv­ing out free pens: Come on, don’t be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, on­ly thing you’re gonna get for free are these pens and your moth­er’s love.

–Kim­mel, NYU

Wan­na-be thug eat­ing ice cream: Wan­na know how much I paid for this? S’free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for steal­ing a box of bot­tled wa­ter: But Oba­ma’s Pres­i­dent! Every­thing should be moth­er­fuck­ing free for the next 279 years!

–Du­ane Reade

Last Time, She Got Him Up to a Cadil­lac and Di­a­mond Ear­rings

New York Post woman at Union Square sta­tion: Free pooooost!
Bag ven­dor, af­ter min­utes of rep­e­ti­tion: La­dy, our heads are go­ing to ex­plode!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag ven­dor: All ven­dors, help me let her know!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag ven­dor: La­dy, I’ll buy you lunch!
Woman: Free Pooooost!
Bag ven­dor: I’ll give you cash!
Woman: Free pooooost!
Bag ven­dor: Come work for me, “free totes!“
Woman: Free pooooost!

–Union Square Hol­i­day Mar­ket

Don’t Bog­a­rt the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers!

Fly­er guy to tourist: Take it, take it, it’s free! But my weed is not. I’ll be right here un­til five.

–45th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: En­gi

Yup­pie guy: Hey, you wan­na buy a bong and get pierced?

–Mac­Dou­gal & Bleeck­er

Over­heard by: Bet­ty Noir

Guy lis­ten­ing to iPod: Pussy, mon­ey, weed! Pussy, mon­ey, weed! Pussy, mon­ey, weed!

–183rd & Audubon Ave

Over­heard by: BB

Black guy to an­oth­er: All those nig­gas do is smoke weed and call ACS on each oth­er!

–A train, Brook­lyn

Guy on cell: Dude every time she sees me she’s like, ‘O‑M-G, you’re high.’ And I usu­al­ly am, but like, I like to think I hide it well. But she al­ways knows. And even so, I’m like, ‘Em, why do you have to com­ment on it every sin­gle time? At the dorms, at par­ties, even at Tar­get one time!’ Ha­ha­ha… But any­way, we might come Thurs­day. I’ll see if my funds are in or­der to make the trip. What kind of shit would we have to wear? Beach stuff? Oooh, and I could rock my stun­na shades.

–6 train

Guy out­side MTV stu­dios: Stay calm. Every­thing is go­ing to be okay. There will be mar­i­jua­na give­aways.

–1515 Broad­way

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

Maybe She’s Born with It? Maybe It’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er.

Guy preach­ing on sub­way: I no­ticed I would al­ways get hit on by beau­ti­ful women when I was with a woman, so I start­ed hang­ing out with les­bians, and now we pick up women to­geth­er.

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Alex­is

Pan­han­dler go­ing through train: God bless you, will any­one spare some mon­ey? God bless you, damm! You have a pret­ty white girl­friend.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Jack­ie

Woman giv­ing out free loot: You girls are so pret­ty, want some con­doms?

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Hobo: Why do rich men get to mar­ry all the pret­ty girls, kill them, and get away with it?

–125th St

Trashed girl, com­ing out of bath­room: I hate when guys say, “you’re pret­ty enough.”

–Bar 9, 54th & 9th

Over­heard by: La­dle

Big slob­by schlub, loud­ly talk­ing to bud­dy: So, she was about to be­come an­oth­er dis­pos­able pret­ty girl.

–W 66th St

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok

Ram­bling crazy man: All of you women look beau­ti­ful, but in the end, y’all still have to take a shit!

–L Train

Over­heard by: The City Plan­ner

Birth­day One-Lin­ers

20-some­thing guy on cell: My girl­friend’s birth­day is to­mor­row. (pause) I don’t know. Maybe a bong.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Steve Popovich

Girl to friend: I just want­ed to hook up with him be­cause we had the same birth­day.

–8th St & 5th Ave

Rent cast mem­ber (shout­ing over shoul­der): I turn 34 on Fri­day, I’m old but at least I made it past Je­sus.

–Ned­er­lan­der The­atre

Woman ar­gu­ing loud­ly with her moth­er in the laun­dro­mat: My 30th birth­day is gonna be ru­ined if we don’t go to the wax mu­se­um!

–4th Ave & 14th St, Brook­lyn

Guy hand­ing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it’s free, it’s free! Oh, and hap­py birth­day to me to­day, thank you very much for re­mem­ber­ing it! Oh, what a love­ly day…

–42nd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Eve