Archive for the ‘Free stuff!’ Category

10 Wednesdays I One-Liner About You

Extremely aggressive man, shouting and pointing at woman on cell: Do not! Ever! Refer to me as from fucking Baltimore! I fucking hate Baltimore!

–2nd Ave & 4th St

Female student, anxiously, to male friend: I don’t know who they are, but I’m pretty sure I don’t like ’em!

–Fordham University

Overheard by: eternal student

Flyer guy: Would you like to see a comedy..? Oh, it’s you again! Why do you hate me?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sara

Hobo to passers-by: Join the He-Man woman haters club! Free membership!

–Park Ave & 31st St

Little boy, pointing with disgust at picture of Jay Leno on hot drink sleeve: Is this George Washington? I hate him!

–Hot’n’Crusty, Upper West Side

Beacause Stupid Is Truly Colour Blind

MoMA desk rep: Today is free. Take your tickets.
MoMA guest: Are the tickets free? How much?
MoMA desk rep: No. For you, twice as much.
MoMA guest: Why? Cause I’m black?

–MoMA

Overheard by: Oh Kelly…

Headline by: The Limey

Runners-Up:
· “I Think a Child Was Left Behind” — samson
· “No, Because You’re Stupid… But Those Might Be Related” — john grisham
· “No, Cuz You Aint Learnt Your Zero Times Tables” — no math wiz but
· “The NYC Stupidity Tax Still Catches People by Surprise” — Ron D.
· “Yes, You’ve Heard Of Ladies Night? This Is White Day” — Leary Blaine
· “You’re Black Yet You Don’t Understand the Concept Of a Free Government Handout?” — BenGay

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday How-Many-Liners?

Tourist, looking at buildings across from Central Park: So which one is the Statue of Liberty?

–Columbus Circle

Girl: Are pork chops made of lamb?

–23rd & Park Ave

Overheard by: Nora Claire

Girl to bouncer at bar: Does this place have really awesome bathrooms?

–East Village

Overheard by: bb

Tourist: Is Chinatown closed?

–Canal St

Overheard by: Kristen

Hippie at exhibit for world’s most extreme animals: Are they alive?

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: gregumsdagreggy

Lady on cell: Times Square’s where that ball is, right?

–42nd St & 6th St

Overheard by: tourists rock

Guy: What is this? So I sign up and get a free beer?

–Designated Driver Booth, Citi Field

Overheard by: AJ

It’s Not Delivery– It’s Wednesday One-Liner!

Student: A lot more people would definitely vote if there was free pizza at polling places.

–Queens College

Overheard by: Suze

Hipster: Papa John’s makes me want to have Aids.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Drunk person: Hey! This isn’t the original Ray’s!

–Ray’s Pizza

Overheard by: Darwin

Girl to friend: So you only need a slice of pizza to get you wet?

–Slaughtered Lamb Pub

Overheard by: sinko

Old dude carrying blue plastic bag to pigeon: Pizza! My darling! Pizza! My pizza!

–9th St & 1st Ave

Hobo to passers-by: You need a dog! Don’t eat the pizza, you will get fat!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Lily

You Know You’ve Hit Rock Bottom When You’re Not Classy Enough for the Penn Station Starbucks

Hobo: Do you have a small sample?
Barista #1: We’re not giving out any samples.
Hobo: Do you have a cup?
(barista hands him a cup, hobo starts to walk to back of store)
Barista #2: Sir, where are you going?
Hobo: To the bathroom.
Barista #2: We don’t have a bathroom.
Hobo: Can I have some water?
Barista #2: No! And do not come back here! Have a nice day!

–Starbucks, Penn Station

Overheard by: BK

Wednesday One-Liners– Now in Small, Regular and Porn Star

20-something girl: And then they had another raffle and I won another 30 minutes of free porn and a vibrator.

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: eSong

Man, talking to himself in the park: I don’t discriminate against women. Women discriminate against me. Why? Because they have all different kinds of dildos.

–City Hall Park

Salesman, shouting to man with girlfriend: Have you been neglecting your butthole lately? I’m selling some nice greasy vibrators here!

–34th St

Overheard by: Jessica

30-something balding man on cell: Dildo and show…

–14th & 3rd

Woman to friends posing for picture: 1…2…3…say: “sex toys!”

–West Village

Mythology professor: Ares was a bit stupid, so Aphrodite was pretty much the brains of that operation. For her, he was basically just a living dildo.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: Sarah