Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

“…or give him the back door. Then he’ll forgive anything.”

Girl #1: I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have slept with that guy.
Girl #2: So what kind of sweater are we looking for?
Girl #1: Anything nice that proves how much I love him.
Girl #2: You should get him a white sweater. White is the color of remorse, I think.
Girl #1: But then he’ll understand I cheated on him. He might actually be suspicious already if I buy him a present without an apparent reason.
Girl #2: Just make him dinner then. 

–Banana Republic, 5th Ave.

Hip Hop’s Next Craze

NYU boy, about man with cane and sunglasses: Why do all blind people have to wear sunglasses?
NYU girl: Isn’t it all part of the persona?
NYU boy: What, like they don’t want me to see their eyes?
NYU girl: I guess. And like how they wear baggy pants and FUBU shit.
NYU boy, slowly, after long pause: I said ‘blind people.’

–F train, 14th St

Overheard by: Lindsay

Wednesday One-Liners–Easy As 1, 2, 3

Conductor: This is 72nd St. Stand clear of the closing doors. B train. B for “brighten up your day” train. (at the next stop) Folks, this is 59th Street, and just like magic we are now an express train. B express train. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–B Train

Overheard by: ryder

Train conductor: You can transfer to the M as in “money,” the N as in “Nick,” and the R as in “Romeoooooo!”

–D Train

Guy on cell, giving directions: So you take the D line… No, D as in “David.” D! D! A, b, c, d! (pause) No, D. Okay…then you walk down to Hoffman Street… Hoffman Street, as in “Dustin Hoffman.” He’s that actor, with a big nose, that you really like, the one that’s in that movie about your life…yeah…yeah! He’s a cross-dresser! Tootsie! That’s you, bro!

–Arthur Ave

Overheard by: eternal student

Creepy old man to creepy friend: We should be on the V. V for “vagina”. We’re on the F. F for “fuck.”

–Downtown F Train

Overheard by: CL

Conductor: There is no C train like “Charlie” all weekend. The D train like “Dick” is helping us out. I probably shouldn’t have said that. It’s okay, you’ll overlook that when I tell you that this A train will keep its express status.

–A Train

Overheard by: Nay

Wednesday One-Liners Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me, Sock It to Me…

Ghetto black woman to four-year-old son: The ice ain’t gonna respect you, you gotta respect the ice, nigga.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Steven

Obnoxiously loud drunk guy: I need a girl who will respect my receding hairline!

–Virgil’s, W 44th St

Overheard by: Check, please!

Thugette: I’m just going to say, “Look, I mean no disrespect, but go fuck yourself. I mean no disrespect, but just go fuck yourself.”

–6 Train

Overheard by: i mean disrespect

20-something guy to friend: Man, you don’t understand. I really respect this broad…

–35th St & Lexington

Soylent Green Is Wednesday One-Liners!

Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.

–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island

Overheard by: Marina Tricorico

Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.

–Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Alice Huang

Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: rachel

Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.

–Chelsea

20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!

–Spring & W Broadway

Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon A.