Archive for the ‘Friends’ Category

She Is So Going To Regret Being Named Scat Now

Twentysomething woman to friends: Yeah, I was thinking I should really google myself too, so I can finally like…
Friend: See what you do?
Twentysomething woman: Yeah!

–122nd, between Broadway and Amsterdam

Overheard by: amarg

Headline by: Del

Runners-Up:
· “Debbie From Dallas Will Be in For a Shock…” – BareNakedLady
· “Google: Solving Existential Crises Since 1998” – Ely Henry
· “Put a Towel Down First” – Kevin P
· “Stacy Finds Out What All Those Little Blinking Red Lights in Her Boyfriend’s Bedroom Were All About.” – danielle
· “Vanity, Thy Name Is Google!” – fester60613

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

Young man: You're fat because you need to release. Look at me, that's why I'm slim and sexy. I beat off every day.

–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn

Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.

–Henri Bendel

Overheard by: Stephan Dion

Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.

–Fashion Institute of Technology

Suit to another: All I'm trying to say is, she's not tall enough for her weight.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: ednapontellier

Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.

–Pizza Place, St. Mark's Place

Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?

–Broadway & 50th St

Overheard by: Peter

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Extreme Sharing”

20-something hipster to friend, punching him in the arm: Dude, you stole my Facebook status!

–Central Park

Overheard by: dude, just think up a new one!

Cable man to another, standing in line at Wendy's: Yeah, I was across the street at Popeyes, but it looked like some man was going to rob the place, so I came here instead.

–Flatbush & Ocean Parkway, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Anna

Crazy lady to pigeon: Get outta here! You ain't gonna get none if you beg. You gotta wait for me to give it to you. (throws bread in other direction) That's why you ain't get none. (a few minutes later, she gets up to leave) Alright. It's been real. Thank for not stealing my potato chips.

–Tribeca Park

Four-year-old boy to mom: Mom, when you take chips from my bag without asking, you're stealing. We talked about this. We talked about this at length.

–Uptown 3 Train

Overheard by: This girl from NY

NYC Rules Require at Least One Person to Drop the F-Bomb

Hot hippie chick: Excuse me, you need a hand?
Old blind man: Nah, I'm just getting to the n train. Thanks so much, though!
Hot hippie chick: Alright, you have a great day!
Blind man: Same to you!
Overlooking suit to friend: Nice New Yorkers…they just blow my mind.

–Union Square Subway Station