Guy: The thing is, when you’re a pothead all of your friends are going to be potheads because when you’re out of pot, that’s who you’re going to call.
–The Magician, Rivington Street
Archive for the ‘Friendship’ Category
Or Hook Up With Her
Dumb girl #1: If my ex wasn't an idiot I would call him.
Dumb girl #2: Why is he an idiot?
Dumb girl #1: Because he hooked up with one of my friends.
Dumb girl #2: That sucks.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah, she likes to get with friends' men.
Dumb girl #2: Wow! She's a bitch.
Dumb girl #1: Yeah… but so, should I call him?
–L Train
Tonight's Movie: It's Complicated
Guy: We're not friends on Facebook.
Girl: But how do you see my pictures?
Guy: Well, there's some of your photos that are private, and others that are public. When I go to your page, which is often, I can just search through those, or go to your friends' pages. A lot of them don't have private pictures.
–Starbucks, Union Square
Overheard by: Randy
Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports
20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.
–L Train
Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.
–NYC
Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!
–8th St & 5th Ave
Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!
–Victorian Flatbush
Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?
–NYU
I Know — The Color Purple?! What Kinda Fag Shit Is That??
Teen Girl to friend: I'd much rather he got turned on by his two friends than a Broadway show. I mean, how *gay* would that be?
–Boardwalk, Brighton Beach
Spicy Rock Always Ends Up Alone
Teen boy #1: Oh man, it was like an episode of I Love Lucy.
Teen boy #2: I love who?
Teen boy #1: Lucy. Oh man,you don’t know what I Love Lucy is? Bam! I ain’t your friend no more.
–Q train
It's Like a Blessing from God
Woman to guy, about guys making moves on drunk girls they are friends with: So, why do you guys do something like that? It never works.
Guy: Sure, 9 times out of 10 it doesn't work, but that one time you score.
Woman: But aren't those other 9 times really awkward and damaging to your friendship?
Man: Yeah, but there's that one time where you get sex you really weren't expecting!
–Fiddlesticks Bar
The Ugly Business of Wednesday One-Liners
Agitated papi: I love him like a brother, but he a fuckin’ inconsiderate, ungrateful, selfish bastard! And he got a ugly baby!
–14th & University
Overheard by: Manhattman
Young Kid: New York is ugly!
–JFK
Overheard by: Latoya Siratana
Wise teen girl: That’s not giving up on him. That’s letting him fuck uglier girls.
–Brooklyn Bridge
Overheard by: walking the bridge
Giggling little girl in stroller: I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly! I’m ugly…!
–Downtown R train
Older woman to complete stranger: You should really stop eating that crap because it’s going to make you uglier than you already are!
–Fairway, W 73rd St
Overheard by: just trying to buy my groceries…
B&T guy: As I was saying, just ’cause you’re ugly, don’t mean you’re smart.
–Lower East Side
Somebody's Been Crying 'Wolf' for Years
Fat man: My left retina just detached.
Friend, not even looking at him: You'll be fine.
–Washington Square Park
C’mon, That Shit Was Weaker Than What We Snorted at Frank’s Funeral
Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black