Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black
Archive for the ‘Friendship’ Category
The One Sentence Guide to Williamsburg
Indie girl: Defeatism is my Friendster.
–2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Itching, Burning, Flaking Wednesday One-Liners
Girl to friend: I told him you had fucking mad STDs because he said he wanted to fuck you. (pause) You're welcome!
–Washington Square Park
Suit exiting cab: Yo, make sure you don't give him your number. He's got crabs.
–30th Ave & 30th St, Astoria
Overheard by: OhKellyO
Blonde 20-something on phone: Either the universe just proved there is no god, or he is a motherfucking cunt! (pauses, then in low tone) Because… I think I have herpes.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: close enough to hear the herpes part
Thug to thugette: I didn't have warts on my body till I met you.
–Metro North
Overheard by: baconista
Guy on cell, leaning casually against fire hydrant: Hey, so, I just got my test results back, and… uh… so I got herpes. So… maybe you should get yourself tested. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jessica, listen, I… fuck. Sorry, Jennifer. No, I–no, I'm sorry, I've just been making this call a lot today. (pause) Hello?
–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Kytt
Wednesday One-liners Look Busted
Man: Wow, that woman looks exactly the way Nina is going to look in about ten years…Oh shit, it is Nina. Don’t tell her what I said, okay?
–Emerald Planet, Great Jones Street
Interestingly, This Is Exactly How Christianity Works
JAP: Oh my god, I totally have to go to my cousin's birthday in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Follower: I hate her because you hate her.
JAP: What? I don't hate her, she is just a little bitch.
Follower: Like, what's the difference?
JAP, walking away: The difference is you are no longer my friend and luckily you are sooo replaceable.
Follower, running behind: I'm sooo sorry! Please don't do this!
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Sex With Two Gay Men Sure Won’t Cause Sanity
Queer #1: So how is that girlfriend of yours?
Queer #2: What girlfriend?
Queer #1: You know, the one we had the threesome with.
Queer #2: Oh yeah, Constance…oh, she’s crazy.
–Greenwich & Gansevoort
Now Here’s a Tissue. You’re About to Sneeze
Brunette: I really need to have sex.
Blonde: Well you better do it soon because you’re getting your period on Wednesday.
[long pause.]Brunette: We spend too much time together.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky
Once the Boys Were Brought to the Yard, It Was All Downhill from There
Father: So, what did you guys do at Timmy’s* sleepover?
Boy: I don’t really remember… We had one too many milkshakes.
–1 train
If We're Not, We're Going to Be After This.
Girl #1: What's your name?
Girl #2: Dana.
Girl #1: Okay. Wait, are we friends?
Girl #2: Yeah! On Facebook!
–1 Train
…But I'm Gonna Have to Mace You Now, Sweetie.
Saleswoman: Hi, can I help you?
Rich woman: (ignores her)
Saleswoman: Hello…? Hi. How are you? Can I help?
Rich woman: What do you want?
Saleswoman: Um…I was just saying hello?
Rich woman: Oh! You were being friendly! How cute! Hello to you, too.
–3rd & Madison Ave