Archive for the ‘Friendship’ Category

The Ug­ly Busi­ness of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Ag­i­tat­ed pa­pi: I love him like a broth­er, but he a fuckin’ in­con­sid­er­ate, un­grate­ful, self­ish bas­tard! And he got a ug­ly ba­by!

–14th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Man­hattman

Young Kid: New York is ug­ly!

–JFK

Over­heard by: La­toya Sir­atana

Wise teen girl: That’s not giv­ing up on him. That’s let­ting him fuck ugli­er girls.

–Brook­lyn Bridge

Over­heard by: walk­ing the bridge

Gig­gling lit­tle girl in stroller: I’m ug­ly! I’m ug­ly! I’m ug­ly! I’m ug­ly! I’m ug­ly…!

–Down­town R train

Old­er woman to com­plete stranger: You should re­al­ly stop eat­ing that crap be­cause it’s go­ing to make you ugli­er than you al­ready are!

–Fair­way, W 73rd St

Over­heard by: just try­ing to buy my gro­ceries…

B&T guy: As I was say­ing, just ’cause you’re ug­ly, don’t mean you’re smart.

–Low­er East Side

Itch­ing, Burn­ing, Flak­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to friend: I told him you had fuck­ing mad STDs be­cause he said he want­ed to fuck you. (pause) You’re wel­come!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Suit ex­it­ing cab: Yo, make sure you don’t give him your num­ber. He’s got crabs.

–30th Ave & 30th St, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: OhKel­lyO

Blonde 20-some­thing on phone: Ei­ther the uni­verse just proved there is no god, or he is a moth­er­fuck­ing cunt! (paus­es, then in low tone) Be­cause… I think I have her­pes.

–Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: close enough to hear the her­pes part

Thug to thugette: I did­n’t have warts on my body till I met you.

–Metro North

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Guy on cell, lean­ing ca­su­al­ly against fire hy­drant: Hey, so, I just got my test re­sults back, and… uh… so I got her­pes. So… maybe you should get your­self test­ed. (pause) No, no, no. No. No! Dammit, Jes­si­ca, lis­ten, I… fuck. Sor­ry, Jen­nifer. No, I–no, I’m sor­ry, I’ve just been mak­ing this call a lot to­day. (pause) Hel­lo?

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Kytt

In­ter­est­ing­ly, This Is Ex­act­ly How Chris­tian­i­ty Works

JAP: Oh my god, I to­tal­ly have to go to my cous­in’s birth­day in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Fol­low­er: I hate her be­cause you hate her.
JAP: What? I don’t hate her, she is just a lit­tle bitch.
Fol­low­er: Like, what’s the dif­fer­ence?
JAP, walk­ing away: The dif­fer­ence is you are no longer my friend and luck­i­ly you are sooo re­place­able.
Fol­low­er, run­ning be­hind: I’m sooo sor­ry! Please don’t do this!

–Whole Foods, Union Square