Archive for the ‘Fruit’ Category

Ja­son Was a Fi­nal-Round Draft Pick for the Oth­er Team

Dude: So I fi­nal­ly saw Lisa’s* tits. Good stuff, man.
Friend: Yeah? Are they big?
Dude: Not at all. But it’s bet­ter that way. A hand­ful is enough.
Friend: So it’s like nuts?
Dude: What the fuck?
Friend: No! I mean they say a hand­ful of nuts is enough pro­tein for the day! That came out to­tal­ly wrong!
Dude: What­ev­er you say…Tinkerbell.

–67th & Colum­bus

You’ll Un­der­stand When You Have Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fraz­zled moth­er to young child: Hur­ry. Hur­ry. Look, the mon­ster is go­ing to get you if you don’t walk faster!

–Queens Mall

Moth­er to small child: If you eat your two pieces of chick­en, I’ll give you a raisin.

–Col­lege Point Shop­ping Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Yese­nia

Mom speak­ing to son: Sweet­ie, do I look like a egg­beat­er?

–Wa­ter­side Plaza

Woman on bus to child with large hear­ing aid: Sit down prop­er­ly! Are you lis­ten­ing to me?

–M23 Bus

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Moth­er to whiny tod­dler: I can’t lis­ten to you any­more! I fear for both of us.

–15th St & Uni­ver­si­ty Place

Over­heard by: Sarah M.

On­ly If They’re En­vy­ing the Yel­low­er Ba­nanas

Star­bucks barista: Sor­ry, we’re all out of ba­nanas. Would you like to try some­thing else?
Beach bum tan­ning girl: But I nev­er drink any­thing from here that does­n’t have ba­nanas.
Star­bucks barista: Well, we have some ba­nanas in the back, but they still look green.
Beach bum tan­ning girl, clear­ly con­fused: If they’re green on the out­side, does that mean they’re green on the in­side too?

–Star­bucks, Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Jacque­line Battaglia

There’s Noth­ing Like a Stat­en Is­land Ba­nana Split

Man #1: So I’m lookin down there, and I see my girl­friend tug­ging at her crotch.
Man #2: Why?
Man #1: Well, it turns out she was mas­tur­bat­ing with a ba­nana, and she squashed it and it ex­plod­ed in­side of her! Ha­ha!
Man #2: That’s com­plete­ly dis­gust­ing, your girl­friend is a freak and you should re­con­sid­er lick­ing her butt, like you said you do for her.

–Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: TOOBx­SOCKS